Disney Villain Island
by DiscordantPrincess
Summary: Fourteen of our favorite Disney villains are sent to Camp Wawanakwa to compete in grueling challenges in order to win fantastic prizes, including the grand prize; the title of Ultimate Disney Villain. Who will come out on top? Find out here, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!
1. Meet the Contestants

**Hey, guys, and welcome to my first ever crossover fanfic! Here, I take the magic of Disney and the hilarious drama of Total Drama Island and combine them into my own little mashup of craziness. **

**Just so we're clear, in my own little fandom world, NOTHING BEYOND TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND HAPPENED! No TDA, no TDWT, no TDRotI, NOTHING OTHER THAN TDI! I'm sorry, but in my opinion anything after the Owen vs. Gwen finale (which BTW I totally knew that Owen was gonna win) sucked! If you feel differently that's fine; I respect your opinion so please respect mine. **

**So if you're a fan of Disney villains, TDI, or both if you're like me, please feel free to read and review. I own absolutely none of the characters.**

A camera panned from the scene of an old summer camp to a dark-haired man standing on a dock and smiling. "Welcome back to Camp Wawanakwa, everybody! I'm your host, Chris McLean, and this season, we're doing things a little differently. Since last season's contestants' parents threatened to sue me if I ever set foot near their kids again, we have all new contestants...but they're not the contestants you'd be used to. No, this season, we have some very special contestants. Straight from the nightmares of our childhoods, it's the Disney villains!"

The camera panned to a group of sinister-looking folks sneering at the audience. "We've asked the good people of Disney to let us borrow some of their villains for the summer, and they responded by sending fourteen baddies to compete for fabulous prizes. And here they are." As Chris announced each villain's name, the camera panned to their individual faces.

"From Beauty and the Beast, Gaston!

From Cinderella, Lady Tremaine!

From The Lion King, Scar!

From The Little Mermaid, Ursula!

From The Great Mouse Detective, Professor Ratigan!

From Tangled, Mother Gothel!

From The Princess and the Frog, Dr. Facilier!

From 101 Dalmatians, Cruella de Vil!

From The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Judge Claude Frollo!

From Alice in Wonderland, the Queen of Hearts!

From Hercules, Hades!

From Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent!

From Aladdin, Jafar!

And last, but definitely not least, from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the very first Disney movie villain, Queen Grimhilde!"

"Are you calling me old?" Grimhilde snarled.

"No, no, no, nothing like that," Chris reassured her. He then looked at the camera and whispered "She is totally old." Then, he turned back to the villains. "OK, baddies, for the next eight weeks, I own your evil butts. You will all do whatever challenges I tell you to do, no matter how stupid or dangerous they sound. The winners will get immunity for the remainder of the episode, the losers will be sent to the Losers' Circle, where one of them will be picked to visit the Dock of Shame and ride the Boat of Losers, never to return again."

"And what if we refuse to do your silly little challenges?" Ratigan asked.

"Excellent question, my rodent friend. Anyone who refuses a challenge will automatically be hauled to the Losers' Circle. And besides, you gotta do what I say, because you all signed these contracts." He showed them a large stack of papers. Instantly the papers were zapped and turned into ash.

Hades chuckled. "Nice shot, Jaffy!"

Jafar smirked as he lowered his snake staff. "Thank you."

"No, thank YOU, because you just reminded me of the most important rule; NO USING MAGIC. Anyone caught using magic will immediately be banished to the Dock of Shame." Chris smiled as he pulled out another large stack of papers. "Always make copies, kids. Now hand over the magic relics." The magic-using villains glared at him but handed over their staffs, charms and potions.

"And how exactly do you plan on making ME give up my powers?" Hades asked. "I'm a GOD."

"Simple," Chris replied. He took a black collar out of his pocket and tied it around Hades' neck. Immediately the god of the Underworld's flame went out. "Mortal collar. Turns even the most powerful god mortal as long as they're wearing it. Now, take a good look. This camp is your home for the next eight weeks. Over there's the mess hall where you will eat Chef Hatchet's delicious entrees. The cabins are there; villains in the west cabin, villainesses in the east cabin. Over there is the confession cam, where you can confess your deepest, darkest secrets."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Maleficent: (rubbing her temples) I already know I'm going to hate this summer. Once I get my staff back, I am turning McLean into a spider and stepping on him!

Hades: Oy, I feel like Cerberus wearing this stupid collar!

Cruella: Why did I let my agent talk me into doing this show? I am Cruella de Vil; beautiful, glamorous, fashionable...everything this bloody camp isn't!

* * *

"Now, everybody head to your cabins and unpack, then meet up to receive your first challenge of the season!" Chris commanded. "And...GO!" Immediately the villains hurried to their cabins.

* * *

In the villain's cabin, the guys were looking at the setup.

"Bunk beds? Seriously?" Hades asked. "Geez, what are we, five?"

"Well this IS a summer camp, genius," Ratigan replied.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Hades then realized something about the rodent professor. "Hey, wait a minute, last time I saw you, you were, like, THIS big," He held up his hands to show how small he was. "and now you're, what, six foot three? How'd you manage that?"

"To make the challenges work for me, the producers gave me a formula that would make me human sized for the next eight weeks," Ratigan explained.

"Ah, the McGuffin yutzes strikes again," Hades commented.

"So how do we decide who's bunkin' where?" Facilier asked.

"Well I normally just sleep on the ground anyway, so I'm fine," Scar spoke up.

"And Gaston is much too handsome to bunk with any of the rest of you, so I'll just take one of the single beds," Gaston interjected, grinning.

Hades rolled his eyes at the young hunter's pride. "Fine, fine, whatever. Ratti, you take the other single bed, I'll bunk with Jaffy, and Faci and Frollo can have the other bunk bed." The villains nodded and started unpacking.

"I object! I refuse to bunk with some heathen who sold his soul to Satan in order to gain voodoo powers!" Frollo complained.

"Hey, this HEATHEN ain't too thrilled about bunkin' with some uppity racist priest with lady issues, but we all gotta make sacrifices this summer, so shut your mouth and unpack!" Facilier confronted the older Frenchman.

Frollo just glared at him, but obeyed. "I'm a judge."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the villainesses' cabin, the ladies were having just as much trouble deciding who got the solitary single bed.

"I should get the single bed!" Grimhilde declared. "I am a queen, and besides, I am the fairest one of all!"

Ursula laughed. "You mean you WERE the fairest one of all! You got surpassed by your fourteen-year-old stepdaughter long ago, angelfish."

"And if we're playing the royalty card, I am a queen as well," the Queen of Hearts added.

"You're a fat loudmouth with anger issues!" Gothel told her.

"How DARE you! If we were in Wonderland I'd have your head for that comment, you flower-hoarder!"

"I am far more beautiful than any of you, so I should get the single bed!" Cruella demanded.

"Beautiful? You're a skinny sociopath with a fur obsession!" Tremaine accused.

The women all argued and yelled until Maleficent screamed "SILENCE!" Immediately the women all shut up. Even without her magic, Maleficent had a sort of power that made them all afraid to disobey her. "This is how we'll bunk; Grimhilde and the Queen of Hearts will share a bunk bed, Cruella and Gothel will share one, Tremaine and Ursula will share one, and I will take the single bed. Any objections?" The women all shook their heads. "Excellent."

* * *

Just as the villains all finished unpacking, an airhorn sounded, making them all cringe and cover their ears. "What is that horrid sound?" Cruella asked.

"OK, villains, now's the time to meet up in the mess hall for lunch, and to receive your first challenge," Chris' voice announced on the loudspeaker. "Move out!"

**Ooh, first challenge, wonder what it's gonna be?**

**If you're wondering how I picked which Disney villains were going to be contestants, I just basically picked them from my own personal favorites (plus some that I can't stand like Gaston and the Queen of Hearts, if only for easy early elimination fodder.) If I missed your personal favorite Disney baddie, I apologize, but if you tell me who they are in your comments/PMs, I'll try to give them cameos in future chaps! Also, challenge suggestions are highly appreciated. I'm not incredibly skilled at coming up with reality show challenges, and I don't want to steal them all from the show, so I'll need all the help I can get!**

**Thanks for everything, please R&R!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	2. At the Movies Tonight

**Hey, everybody! Hope you're ready for the first challenge of Disney Villain Island!**

**supertrip: Don't worry, he will!**

**Guest: I like Captain Hook, too, but I always found myself sympathizing more with him than that little bastard Peter Pan, hence why he's not here like the rest of the sinister guys. Don't worry, he'll be getting a cameo in later chapters! And I love your challenge ideas; in fact, the first challenge is one you came up with! Thanks for the help, and if you have any more ideas, please feel free to share them with me!**

**FairyTales And Pixie Dust: Yeah, you know me too well. If it were up to me Ratti would win it all automatically, but I'm planning on making the final showdown an audience-voted victory (he's definitely gonna be in the final two though, don't you worry about that!) LOL, I remembered reading that Vincent Price was a tall man, I had just forgotten exactly HOW tall they said he was. I'm glad I was close, though!**

**How will the villains face their first challenge? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!**

The villains wandered into the mess hall, where Chef Hatchet was waiting for them. "OK, bad guys, here's how it's going down this summer...I'm gonna make this stuff three times a day, and you're gonna eat it three times a day, so line up, get a tray and get some chow." The villains all lined up and grabbed their trays, then one by one received a plate of brownish-greenish goop and sat at the tables.

"Excuse me, but how many calories are in this?" Grimhilde asked. Chef eyed her oddly. "I don't want to get fat on this slop."

"Then don't EAT it, Queenie," Gothel groaned.

"This is absolutely DISGUSTING!" Ratigan declared. "I refuse to risk getting a stomachache eating this garbage!" He pushed his tray away.

"Well, if the rat ain't eatin' it, I sure as Tartarus ain't eatin' it," Hades decided. Ratigan glared at him. "Oh, sorry, the "big mouse"." He used air quotes as he said "big mouse." "Bottom line, I ain't eatin' this crap."

Ursula picked some of her food up with a spoon and ate it. "Oh come on, guys, just try it, it's not so bad."

"This coming from the lady who eats live shrimp," Facilier commented.

After a few more minutes of complaints and trying to eat, Chris stood at the front of the hall. "OK, villains, time to wind down lunch and get started on your first challenge. How do you all feel about movies?" The villains all smiled and nodded. "Good, because your first challenge is to watch a movie."

"Pfft, is that all?" Hades asked. "Piece of baklava!"

"Oh, you would think that, wouldn't you?" Chris asked. "But here's the thing...you each have to watch the Disney movie that you yourself were featured in, WITHOUT complaining. Any comment against a song or character or storyline counts against you. Any villain who can make it through their movie without complaining wins a prize. The rest of you will be sent to the Losers' Circle and be made to cast your votes for who'll be the first to leave. I have here copies of your movies on DVD. Pick up your movie and head to the screening rooms."

CONFESSION CAM

Gaston: This challenge will be a breeze! Beauty and the Beast is considered by many to be the greatest Disney movie of all time, and besides, no one watches movies like Gaston!

Scar: Is this REALLY the challenge? The Lion King is a beloved classic! I can sit through it without complaining!

Ursula: Hey, McLean, why don't you try a more CHALLENGING challenge next time, like, say, crossing the street! (laughs)

Once each villain got his or her movie, they went over to the screening rooms, where each was put into their own room and put their movie into the player and sat down.

Grimhilde sighed as she watched her first scene. "Ugh, that dress makes me look fat! I really should consult the Mirror about finding a new royal tailor."

Tremaine rolled her eyes as she watched Cinderella singing "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes." "Disgustingly sweet girl."

The Queen of Hearts frowned. "I had forgotten that this movie focuses mostly on that little brat Alice. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be onscreen soon enough."

"I can't believe those simple fools hid the princess from me for so long!" Maleficent groaned. "I should have just searched for her myself."

"Oh my, I do look stunning onscreen," Cruella noted.

Ratigan chuckled as he watched his first scene. "Oh I do so love it when I'm nasty."

Ursula smiled. "I look so beautiful onscreen, don't I?"

"No one is as photogenic as Gaston!" Gaston decided.

"Stupid street rat," Jafar grumbled.

"Ugh, Mufasa, even in death everybody loves him more than me," Scar sighed.

"Stupid Archdeacon, I should've drowned Quasimodo even AFTER that fool interrupted me!" Frollo regretted.

"Heeey, now, who's that handsome devil onscreen?" Hades chuckled as he watched his first scene.

Facilier was singing along with his song "Friends on the Other Side."

Gothel sighed as she watched her interaction with Rapunzel. "Such a good little girl...too bad that stupid Flynn Rider had to come by and ruin everything!"

At first, it seemed fairly easy to sit through their movies. However, as time went on the movies began to get on the villains' nerves.

"REALLY? THIS is the infamous scene that's considered the saddest Disney moment of all time?" Scar asked about Mufasa's death. "People are such babies."

"Stupid Cheshire Cat! Get offscreen and show ME!" the Queen of Hearts demanded.

"And people are AFRAID of the Hydra?" Hades asked. "Oy, I've seen HAIR DRYERS that are scarier than that overgrown lizard!"

"Why are you showing that ugly Beast in such a sympathetic light? No one is more deserving of sympathy as Gaston!" (Three guesses as to who said THAT.)

"Those idiots!" Cruella shouted. "I should have killed the little beasts myself!"

"OK, I'm getting REALLY sick of Basil, just show ME!" Ratigan demanded.

"These songs are so annoying!" Ursula groaned.

"Stupid frogs," Facilier grumbled.

After about two hours, once all the movies had stopped, Chris gathered up the villains. "OK, well, from what I've heard, each of you complained at least once, but in Grimhilde's case, it was more about her wardrobe choices than the movie itself, so she wins today's prize...a new home theater system! Now you can watch your favorite movies at home!"

Grimhilde smiled. "Just the thing I need to turn Snow White's old room into my own personal relaxation room!"

"The rest of you can...wait a minute, where's the Queen of Hearts?" Chris noticed. Suddenly, they heard yelling and screaming coming from one of the screening rooms. Everyone ran to see the Queen, now extremely red-faced, trashing her room. The DVD lay on the floor in pieces.

"One scene? ONE SCENE? In all that stupid movie, I get only ONE SCENE? What the hell is WRONG with these people? I AM A QUEEN! I DESERVE MORE THAN ONE SCENE!" She threw her chair, which barely missed hitting some of the other villains.

Chris smirked. "Well, I guess we don't need to do the Losers' Circle after all. Seeing as the Queen of Hearts is the only one who actually lost her temper, I'd say she's pretty easily eliminated."

"WHAT?!" the Queen roared. "HOW DARE YOU! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" She tried to lunge for Chris, but Chef popped up out of nowhere and shot her in the rear with a dart. The Queen then slumped to the floor, unconscious.

"Tranquilizer darts," Chris chuckled. "Works every time."

Chef dragged the still tranquilized Queen of Hearts down the Dock of Shame and loaded her onto the Boat of Losers. "And so we say goodbye to our first loser," Chris announced into the camera. "Who will be the second? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**Yeah, like I've said before, I'm not a fan of the Queen of Hearts, and to be 100% honest I'm not a big fan of Alice in Wonderland anyway. I adore the Tim Burton version with Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway, but for some reason the animated version really grates me...except for the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat, they're both awesome! **

**What will be the next challenge? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!**


	3. The SUDMTC

**Hey, guys, thanks for being patient with me on the new chapter. Just a heads up, I'm going to be taking a break from FanFiction until Sunday to visit my family for Thanksgiving, so this will be the last chapter for a bit.**

**Thanks to everyone who's suggested awesome challenges. I don't think anymore are needed right now, but thank you again! **

**Today's challenge was come up by writes4u. Thanks a bunch! Hope you all enjoy the next chapter of DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND! **

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the villains were forced to watch the movies that they were featured in without complaining...NOT an easy task! Of course, they all ended up griping about something or another in their movie, except for Queen Grimhilde, whose only complaint was that her dress made her look fat. In the end, it was the Queen of Hearts who took the first ride on the Boat of Losers for completely trashing the screening room after she learned that she only got one scene. Who will win the next challenge? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villains were sleeping peacefully in their cabins. Suddenly, they were all awakened by loud construction noises.

"Oh, NOW what's going on?" Cruella groaned, getting up and stomping to the window. "Would you be quiet out there? Do you have any idea what time it is?!"

"It's TIME for all of you to get your lazy butts outta bed and into the mess hall!" Chris responded on the loudspeaker. "There, you will get your next challenge. Now hop to it!"

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Ratigan: (holding his head) All right, Chris is really starting to piss me off. If we were back at my lair, I'd have fed him to Felicia by now.

Frollo: Waking us up at some ungodly hour, making us do ridiculous challenges and eat disgusting food...McLean, you will burn in Hell for what you're putting us through!

Ratigan: But at least that stupid Queen of Hearts is gone...she was such an angry annoyance! Now we have to deal with Gaston, that muscleheaded buffoon!

Frollo: That Gaston's pride shall get him in the end!

* * *

Once the villains were ready, they went to the mess hall and received breakfast from Chef. Again, Ursula was the only one who actually touched their food. Chris went to the front of the room. "I know what you guys are thinking; whatever could the handsome Chris McLean have planned for our exciting challenge for the day?"

"Better take mind reading off your list of talents, McLean," Hades called out. The other villains laughed.

Chris frowned. "Very funny. Anyway, you've probably been hearing construction noises." The villains all complained simultaneously. "Quit your bellyaching, it's all for today's challenge...the Super Ultimate Disney Movie Trivia Challenge! You will all compete in a game show asking trivia from Disney movies other than the ones that you're all from. The one who gets the highest score wins invincibility and a prize! The rest will have to send one of their own off to the Dock of Shame."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Grimhilde: Foolish host. I will surely win. After all, I AM from the very first Disney movie, so I've had the distinct advantage of seeing them all.

Facilier: Am I worried about not doin' well bein' one of the newer villains? Hell no! (hesitates) OK, maybe a little, but I'm still gonna win!

Gaston: This will be an easy victory. No one does trivia like Gaston!

* * *

The villains went to the newly constructed game show set and took their places. Chris stood before them. "Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Super Ultimate Disney Movie Trivia Challenge! Here with us today are thirteen of Disney's finest villains, ready to test their knowledge of the movies that they DIDN'T star in! OK, villains, here is your first challenge; here is a list of ten Disney movies. List them in correct chronological order by the year they were released. Anyone who gets all the answers right moves on to the next level." He then showed them the list:

THE ADVENTURES OF ICHABOD AND MR. TOAD

ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE

BAMBI

THE JUNGLE BOOK

THE MANY ADVENTURES OF WINNIE THE POOH

MULAN

PETER PAN

POCAHONTAS

SALUDOS AMIGOS

WRECK IT RALPH

"You have ten minutes. BEGIN!" The villains began writing down their answers. After the ten minutes, Chris announced "TIME! Here is the correct chronological order." He showed them:

1. BAMBI (1942)

2. SALUDOS AMIGOS (1943)

3. THE ADVENTURES OF ICHABOD AND MR. TOAD (1949)

4. PETER PAN (1953)

5. THE JUNGLE BOOK (1969)

6. THE MANY ADVENTURES OF WINNIE THE POOH (1977)

7. POCAHONTAS (1995)

8. MULAN (1998)

9. ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE (2001)

10. WRECK IT RALPH (2012)

"OK, let's see who moves on," Chris suggested. The computer scanned the villain's answers. Out of the thirteen of them, only five got all ten movies in the correct order: Ursula, Facilier, Ratigan, Grimhilde and Jafar. The rest of them got one or two mistakes...except for Gaston, who got pretty much all the movies wrong.

"Congratulations to the five of you who got all the movies right," Chris told them. "To the rest of you...ha ha, you're all LOSERS!" They glowered at him. "Especially YOU, Gaston."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Gaston: It's not MY fault they made the questions impossible to answer!

* * *

"OK, the next round is this, here we have a list of ten Disney characters. Your task is to correctly name which Disney movie they're from." He showed them the list:

THE BACKSON

PRINCESS EILONWY

DR. JUMBA JOOKIBA

MADAME MEDUSA

MARAHUTE

TANTOR

COPPER

MITTENS

ARCHIMEDES

PANCHITO PISTOLES

"You have ten minutes...and NOW!" The five villains started writing. After ten minutes Chris yelled "TIME! Here are the correct answers." He showed them:

THE BACKSON - WINNIE THE POOH

PRINCESS EILONWY - THE BLACK CAULDRON

DR. JUMBA JOOKIBA - LILO & STITCH

MADAME MEDUSA - THE RESCUERS

MARAHUTE - THE RESCUERS DOWN UNDER

TANTOR - TARZAN

COPPER - THE FOX AND THE HOUND

MITTENS - BOLT

ARCHIMEDES - THE SWORD IN THE STONE

PANCHITO PISTOLES - THE THREE CABALLEROS

"Now to see who goes on." The computer scanned the answers. Only Grimhilde and Ratigan got all ten questions correct. "Grimhilde and Ratigan, you two will move on to our final round. The rest of you...take a hike!"

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Ursula: OK, that was ridiculous! I mean really, "The Black Cauldron?" I've never even HEARD of that movie!

* * *

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the final round of the Super Ultimate Disney Movie Trivia Challenge," Chris announced. He turned to Grimhilde and Ratigan, who were standing at podiums rigged with large red buttons. "I'm going to ask a trivia question. You have to ring in and answer. Whoever gets the most questions correct wins invincibility and the prize. OK, first question; what were the names of Sykes' Doberman henchmen in "Oliver and Company?""

Ratigan rang in. "Roscoe and DeSoto."

"Correct! One point for Ratigan. Next question; what is the name of the demon from Bald Mountain in "Fantasia?""

Grimhilde rang in. "Chernabog."

"Correct! One point for Grimhilde."

So the questions went on. By the end, both villains were tied with twelve correct answers apiece.

"OK, here's your final question of the challenge; what was Thomas O'Malley's full name from "The Aristocats?"" Both villains looked blank for a momet. Then, Grimhilde remembered. She rang in. "Grimhilde?"

"Abraham de Lancie Giuseppe Casey Thomas O'Malley!" Grimhilde answered triumphantly.

"That is...incorrect!" Chris replied.

"WHAT?"

"The correct answer was: Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey Thomas O'Malley," Chris explained. "YOU said de Lancie instead of de Lacy. Henceforth, Ratigan wins the challenge!"

"YES!" Ratigan cheered.

"NO WAY!" Grimhilde screamed.

"WAY! He wins invincibility and today's prize...a set of encyclopedias! Just the thing for the brainiac who wants to show off his skills." Chris grinned. "That means the rest of you, meet me at the Losers' Circle tonight. You will cast your votes as to who's going bye-bye tonight."

* * *

Later that night, the twelve losing villains met at the Losers' Circle. Chris stood before them.

"I have here eleven pieces of black licorice," Chris announced. "Pretty much the most foul candy in the world. Whoever does not receive a licorice will be escorted to the Dock of Shame to board the Boat of Losers. When I call your name, come get your licorice; Ursula...Scar...Frollo...Tremaine...Cruella...Jafar...Hades...Gothel...Facilier...Maleficent." The named villains got their licorice, leaving Grimhilde and Gaston.

"The final licorice. This simple piece of candy decides whether you stay or go. And now, the moment of truth. Tonight's final licorice goes to...Grimhilde."

"WHAT?" Gaston cried out. "Why am I being picked off?"

"Because YOU screwed up the first question ROYALLY," Scar explained.

"We don't need some dumbass like you around here," Hades added.

"Sorry, Gaston, the villains have spoken," Chris told the angry hunter. "Now off with you!" Gaston furiously stomped down the Dock of Shame and boarded the Boat of Losers, but not before punching a huge hole in the dock. Chris grinned. "Apparently no one is a sore loser like Gaston. Tune in next time on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**And so we say goodbye to the sexist a-hole that is Gaston. Again, me no likey Gaston; ironic, seeing as he's from my favorite Disney movie. Ah well.**

**What will go on next time? Tune in to find out, here on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!**


	4. The Non-Crying Game

**Hello, everyone! Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are ready for a brand new episode of Disney Villain Island! **

**Today's challenge is brought to you courtesy of binditheskunk...thank you! Enjoy!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the villains were put to the test to see how well they know other Disney movies. Many failed spectacularly, but none so much as our own muscleheaded hunter Gaston, who became the second baddie to take a stroll down the Dock of Shame. Who will be the next to join the list of losers? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

It was barely dawn. The villains were all asleep. Suddenly, there was a loud blast over the loudspeaker. The villains all jumped and fell out of their beds. "Good morning, villains!" Chris announced. "Head into the mess hall for breakfast and to get your next challenge!"

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Hades: Seriously? Just, SERIOUSLY? Does this McLean putz have somethin' against gettin' a good night's sleep or what?

* * *

The villains all gathered in the mess hall for the usual nauseating cuisine. After a bit, Chris went to the front of the hall. "Today's challenge is all about getting in touch with your inner softies...or preventing yourself from that. It's the crying challenge!"

"The crying challenge?" Scar repeated the name. "That sounds like the name of a ridiculously girly reality show!"

"That's the basic idea, my feline friend," Chris replied. "Your challenge is to go as long as you can without crying. The one who makes it the longest without shedding a single tear wins invincibility. The rest will have to pick who's going home."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Maleficent: Chris DOES know that we're VILLAINS, right? By nature, we don't cry.

Gothel: This is going to be easy! I've never cried a day in my life!

* * *

"To start off the crying challenge, I thought it would be nice to have a little mood music while you enjoy your breakfast," Chris announced. With that, he put a CD into a nearby CD player and turned it on. Immediately, the song "Baby Mine" from Dumbo started playing.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Tremaine: THAT IS UNFAIR! Playing the world's saddest song while we eat! McLean, you are one dirty snake!

* * *

By the end of the song, both Tremaine and Gothel were blubbering like babies. Everyone else, amazingly, had remained completely dry-eyed throughout the entire song. "Looks like Tremaine and Gothel are both out," Chris announced.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Jafar: Women. So typically emotional.

Tremaine: (still crying) I can't help it! That stupid song reminds me too much of Anastasia and Drizella! Girls, if you're watching this, Mommy loves you both so much!

Gothel: Oh, why did it have to be THAT song? Rapunzel, I hope you can forgive me! I love you, my little flower!

* * *

Later on, the remaining villains were ushered to the ampitheater. Chris was waiting for them.

"What's this all about, McLean?" Ratigan asked.

Chris grinned. "I thought since you guys survived the "Baby Mine" round, you deserved a little movie time. Roll it, Chef!" Chef nodded and turned on the movie projector. The title flashed onscreen: SADDEST SCENES IN DISNEY HISTORY.

"Oh crap," came the unified response from the villains.

The first scene was from The Lion King, after Scar pushed Mufasa off the cliff and into the wildebeest herd. Upon watching little Simba discover his father's dead body, a few of the villains began to cry.

"Oh God, that is so sad!" Facilier wept.

"Scar, you bastard!" Jafar yelled at the lion. "How could you do something so horrible to your own nephew?!" Scar just rolled his eyes.

"Big deal, make his corpse into a coat," Cruella sighed. That earned her a slap from Grimhilde, who was too choked up to talk. "WHAT?"

The next scene was from Bambi, in which Bambi's mother was shot by human hunters and he was looking for her. Both Ratigan and Scar started crying at the same time.

"Poor little Bambi! All alone without his mother!" Scar howled.

"Why do humans have to be such bastards?!" Ratigan asked hysterically.

"HEY!" came the response from Chris, Chef and all the human villains.

"Well, you ARE!" Ratigan defended his previous statement. "Hunting animals just for sport! At least we animals only hunt because we need to eat!"

The humans all looked at one another. "Yeah, rodent dude's got a point," Chef finally spoke up.

The final scene was from Beauty and the Beast, where Beast was dying in Belle's arms. By the end of the scene, all the villains except for Cruella, Maleficent and Frollo were crying.

"How exactly is watching a bunch of animals dying supposed to make us sad?" Cruella asked. "I say just make them all into coats! That way, you're not wasting such beautiful fur!"

SPLAT! Ratigan responded to Cruella's comment by pushing her into a nearby mud puddle. Cruella screamed when she saw she was covered in thick slippery muck. "You wretched sewer rat! Just look what you've done to my beautiful new coat! You...you BEAST!" She burst out crying, earning herself several stares from the others.

"Well, looks like Cruella's out of the game now, too," Chris commented. He shook his head. "Sad. Just sad."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Cruella: That stupid Ratigan is going to pay for ruining my coat! I ought to poison him, drown him, AND bash him in the head and make his pelt into a coat...but rat fur is just so DISGUSTING! (cries)

* * *

"Well, we're down to our final two non-criers," Chris announced, indicating Maleficent and Frollo. "And to celebrate, I thought I'd do a little dramatic reading." He took out his laptop.

"What are you reading that requires a computer?" Frollo asked.

Chris smirked. "Oh, I'll be reading a little fanfic entitled..._My Little Dashie_."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Hades: Oh ho ho, McLean you sly dog!

* * *

And so Chris began to read the infamous My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfic about a man adopting a young Rainbow Dash and their times together. By the end, Maleficent was sobbing like a baby...and Frollo was completely stonefaced.

"For God's sake, woman, it's a fictitious story!" Frollo scolded the crying fairy.

"BUT IT'S SO SAD!" Maleficent wept.

Frollo shook his head. "I'll never understand what it is about females and ponies."

"And with that, Frollo wins the crying challenge!" Chris announced. "As part of winning, you get invincibility AND...a brand new Corvette!" The judge's face lit up. "Nah, kidding, you win a lifetime's supply of Kleenex!"

"What a stupid prize," Frollo mumbled to himself.

"The rest of you, go vote for who you want to see take a cruise on the Boat of Losers!" Chris told the losing villains.

* * *

That night, the eleven villains gathered at the Losers' Circle. Chris stood in front of them with a bowl of black licorice.

"Ten pieces of black licorice...ten villains who are safe tonight. When I call your name, come and get your licorice. Scar...Grimhilde...Ursula...Jafar...Ratigan...Hades...Gothel...Maleficent...Facilier." The called villains received their licorice. All that was left was Tremaine and Cruella, who was still a mess of mud.

"You two are the last contestants left on the chopping block. I have one last piece of licorice. Tonight's final licorice goes to...Tremaine. Cruella, you're out of here."

"WHAT?!" Cruella exploded. "WHY?!"

"Because crying over a muddy coat is just plain lame," Chris replied. "Now off with you!"

Cruella growled and shot an angry glance at Ratigan. "This is YOUR fault, you disgusting animal! I'm going to MURDER you!" She lunged at the rodent professor, but was grabbed by Chef and dragged down the Dock of Shame and tossed onto the Boat of Losers. "Don't think this is over! I WILL GET YOU, YOU STUPID VERMIN!"

Hades chuckled and patted Ratigan's shoulder. "Way to go, Ratti, you just pissed off one of the biggest psychos in Disney history. If I were you, I'd start sleepin' with one eye open." Ratigan gulped.

Chris smiled at the camera. "And so ends another exciting day here at Camp Wawanakwa! Is Frollo a horrible monster for not crying once? Will Cruella get revenge on Ratigan for getting her coat dirty? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**And so we say goodbye to the fiendish fashionista. While I think that Cruella is a great villain, as a proud dog owner myself I can't help but hate that bitch's guts...IF YOU EVER COME NEAR MY PUPPY, I'LL FREAKING KILL YOU, YOU HEINOUS BROAD! **

**When I wrote the part where Cruella called Ratigan a "beast," I just chuckled my butt off (for those of you who don't get the joke, Ratigan's supervising animator, Glen Keane, also acted as supervising animator for the Beast, as well as for such classic Disney characters as Ariel from ****The Little Mermaid****, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Tarzan, and most recently Rapunzel from ****Tangled****.) Hats off to you, Mr. Keane!**

**Well, folks, this is the point where no matter who I kick off, I'm going to end up pissing at least one reader off, but PLEASE no hater comments! All hater comments will be deleted ASAP!**

**Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for the next episode!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	5. The Barf-o-Rama

**Hello, friends! Hope you're ready for the next challenge of Disney Villain Island!**

**Today's challenge was inspired by one of binditheskunk's suggestions...thanks! Hope you all enjoy!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the villain faced the challenge of not crying all day. As it turns out, many of our baddies are total cry-babies when the right buttons are pushed, except for Frollo, who managed to stay cold and hard the entire time and won invincibility. In the end, however, it was Cruella de Vil who took the walk down the Dock of Shame when she cried over getting her new fur coat dirty...pretty lame. Who will be the next loser? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

At noon, the villains all gathered in the mess hall like they usually did. However, the kitchen appeared to be closed. "Where's Chef?" Jafar asked.

"Oh, he's busy right now," came Chris' voice. The villains turned to the front of the hall. "Don't worry, he'll be out in a bit with your lunch." He chuckled. The villains looked at him oddly. "But first, I want to discuss today's challenge. This challenge will be a major test of guts...literally. It's the Barf-o-rama! Your challenge is to not throw up once all day, no matter how disgusting something may get, and the one who goes the longest without puking wins invincibility and a prize."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Scar: This should be easy. I eat raw meat and other innards on a daily basis! I can handle this little vomiting challenge.

* * *

"First up, Chef has cooked a special lunch for all of you," Chris announced. "Chef..." Chef came out, pushing a cart with bowls of soup. "I hope you all enjoy frog liver and fish bladder soup with bat wing crackers boiled in toiler water! Oh, and I thought we'd have a little mood music, yet again." He turned on his radio, and "Barbie Girl" by Aqua started playing.

That did it for Tremaine. She leaned over and threw up on the floor without even eating the soup. "OK, Tremaine's out."

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Tremaine: That is just so DISGUSTING! How could McLean make us listen to something so VILE? Oh, and the soup sounds gross, too.

* * *

The other villains at least tried to eat the soup...however, many started barfing right after tasting it. Only four villains were still in the game after eating the soup; Ursula, Ratigan (who had picked out all the bat wings for obvious reasons), Scar and Frollo.

"How are you people NOT sick after eating this slop?" Gothel inquired, right before she vomited again.

* * *

"OK, only four villains get to move on to the next course," Chris announced. "Chef..." Chef wheeled out four plates. "Worm spaghetti in a mucus and toe jam sauce, sprinkled with dryer lint. Bon appetit!"

The villains each made faces, but ended up eating the "spaghetti." This time, Frollo threw up, right on his plate.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Frollo: That was the most vile thing I have ever put in my mouth! You better not have poisoned this, McLean!

* * *

"And then there were three," Chris replied. "Hope you guys saved room for dessert." Chef wheeled out three bowls containing...

"Ice cream?" Ursula asked. "Now you're talking!"

"Not just ANY ice cream," Chris explained. "It's broccoli, asparagus and brussel sprout ice cream!"

That did it for Scar. He started throwing up once he tasted the ice cream. Ursula and Ratigan, however, ate theirs without a problem. "Are you going to eat yours?" Ratigan asked the sick lion.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Scar: I am a carnivore! I don't eat vegetables...especially not disguised as dessert!

* * *

Chris escorted the two remaining villains to the ampitheater and smiled. "Well, it looks like Ursula and Ratigan are left. Now we move on to the second part of the challenge. Chef, the curtain, please!" Chef pulled open the curtain to reveal a spinning carnival ride. "This is the Blender. I "borrowed" it from a carnival in Toronto. Your challenge is to ride it. The one who rides it the longest without getting sick wins. Hop in!"

The two villains got into the ride. "OK, Chef, start 'er up!" Chef nodded and started the ride. It started spinning slowly. "Crank 'er up!" Chef increased the speed. "More!" The speed increased. "OK, give 'er all she's got!" Chef turned the speed to its full volume. After a bit, Ursula threw up all over Ratigan. "OK, Chef, you can stop it now!" The ride turned off. "Ursula has been eliminated. Ratigan wins today's challenge!"

"Wonderful," the professor replied, trying to wipe the octopus vomit off of his chest. "Can my prize be a shower?"

"Sure, if you want. We'll even throw in a free dry clean for your clothes."

"Thank you."

* * *

That night, the villains gathered at the Losers' Circle. "I have here nine pieces of black licorice," Chris told them. "Whoever doesn't receive a piece will be sent on the Boat of Losers. When I call your name, come get your licorice. Maleficent...Scar...Gothel...Facilier...Ursula...Grimhilde...Jafar...Hades." The villains received their licorice, leaving Tremaine and Frollo on the chopping block. "And now, the moment of truth. The final licorice goes to...Frollo. Tremaine, you threw up just hearing the song "Barbie Girl." That's pretty lame. Goodbye."

Tremaine scowled, but walked down the Dock of Shame with her head held high. She got onto the boat...only to hear that the captain's radio was playing "Barbie Girl." "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"And then there were ten. Who will be the next to leave the island? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**Bye-bye, Tremaine! Again, much like Cruella I think she's a fantastic villain, but I still hate her with a passion because of how much of a bitch both she and her daughters were to Cinderella. **

**Wow, only four challenges and already Ratigan has won two of them. But it makes sense that he would win this challenge (and not just because I'm an obsessed Ratigan fangirl, which I proudly admit that I am)...it's biologically impossible for rats to throw up, because they lack a gag reflex. Just an interesting little snippet of animal trivia for you.**

**Thanks for reading, and hope to see you guys again soon! **

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	6. Villain vs Villain

**Guten tag, meine Freunde...and that was all the German I know. Yeah. **

**This chapter's challenge was thought up by writes4u...thank you! Enjoy!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...our favorite baddies had to put their tummies to the test by competing in the Barf-o-Rama. Ultimately, Professor Ratigan walked away with his second victory, thanks to his freaky rodent biology. And it was the un-ladylike Lady Tremaine who went home after throwing up simply from hearing the song "Barbie Girl"...guess it reminded her too much of Cinderella, heehee. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will go to the executives and ask for me to get a major raise? Find out now on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villains were asleep in their cabins. Suddenly, they were awakened by the sound of someone playing loudly on the trumpet. "What the...the stinkin' sun ain't even up yet!" Hades groaned. The villains went outside to confront whoever was playing the trumpet...and all screamed or gasped when they saw that it was a bipedal alligator.

Chris came out from behind the alligator. "Thanks, Louis. I'll take it from here."

"You got it, Mr. McLean." The alligator got down on his front legs and crawled off.

Facilier shook his head. "That stupid gator."

"I hope you guys are ready for your next challenge," Chris told the villains.

"No, but we ARE ready to eviscerate you in your sleep," Ratigan mumbled.

"Too bad, 'cause it's time for a little game I like to call...Villain vs. Villain! Each of you will be matched up with another Disney villain to compete. Anyone who wins their battle is safe. Anyone who loses will be sent to the Losers' Circle. First up is Ratigan."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because I heard that comment about eviscerating me in my sleep," Chris replied with a serious face.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Ratigan: Me and my big mouth.

* * *

Chris led the villains to the ampitheater and had Ratigan stand onstage. "So who am I going to be facing?" the professor asked.

Chris grinned. "Oh, I think you'll like him. Coming in at thirty feet long, it's everybody's favorite rock python, Kaa!"

"Oh my God," Ratigan whispered.

As soon as his name was mentioned, the snake slithered onstage. "Ssssso, Professssssor Ratigan, you think you can beat me?" he hissed pleasantly. "Myssssself, I think that you'll fail. But let'sssss sssssee what you're made of." With that, Kaa coiled himself around the rat's waist. Ratigan flinched and squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh, don't be afraid of me, Professsssor. I won't hurt you. Jusssst look at me." Ratigan shook his head. "Oh come now, I jusssst want to be your friend. Trusssst in me." The snake's gentle voice comforted Ratigan a bit, so he opened his eyes...then remembered something. But before he could close them again, Kaa was looking straight into his eyes, his large yellow eyes turning different colors as he used his hypnotic powers to put the rat in a daze. "That'ssss it. Look into my eyessss. Aren't they pretty colorssss? Jusssst give yoursssself into my powerssss."

Chris chuckled. "Well, I guess that means that Ratigan..."

Just then, Ratigan snapped out of his daze, grabbed the snake by the throat and started tying him in knots. "OW! How did you break out of my sssspell?"

Ratigan smirked. "Easy. I'm a genius, and geniuses don't fall for silly hypnosis." He let go of the snake, who slithered away quickly.

Everyone gazed at the professor in silent awe. Never had they seen anyone break out of one of Kaa's trances. The rat then turned to Chris. "I guess that means that Ratigan what?"

"That Ratigan...is awesome and has earned the first invincibility spot!" Chris finished his sentence.

Ratigan grinned. "I thought so."

"OK, well, yeah...next up is Scar." The lion wandered onstage. "Your opponent will be...Shere Khan!"

"Oh Great Kings, no," Scar groaned. "I can't STAND that stupid tiger!"

"Oh, Taka, I'm hurt," a distinguished voice responded. Scar looked up to see Shere Khan standing next to him.

"My name is Scar now," the lion replied bitterly.

"Really? Because I'd say Taka suits you better, because you are still trash." Scar growled at Shere Khan and leapt on him.

"Cat fight! Cat fight!" Hades whooped from the audience. The others glared at him. "Sorry, I've always wanted to say that."

The two large cats continued to fight, until finally, Shere Khan came out on top, pinning Scar underneath him. "Once again, Taka, I win." Scar responded by spitting into the tiger's face.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Scar: (muttering) Stupid Shere Khan.

* * *

So the battles went on. Each villain was temporarily given access to their powers for the battle, but Chris was put behind protective glass so they couldn't get to him. Most of the villains ended up getting beat. Memorible failures included Hades getting burned by Chernabog, Jafar getting beat by Madam Mim in a wizard's duel, and Frollo losing a capture-the-people-you-oppressed-in-your-movie race to Governor Ratcliffe. However, two villainesses managed to win; Grimhilde won a potion brewing contest against Yzma, and Ursula beat Commander Rourke in a game of capture-Atlantis. Finally, it was Maleficent's turn.

"OK, Maleficent, you're the last villain to be paired for the Villain vs. Villain competition," Chris told the Mistress of All Evil. "I bet you're just itching to find out who you'll be fighting, huh?"

"It doesn't matter," Maleficent replied coldly. "I am the most powerful villain in Disney history. Anyone fool enough to face me will soon be nothing but a charred corpse in a manner of seconds."

Chris smirked. "Let's see if you can live up to your boast. Let's meet your challenger. Coming in at seven feet tall and weighing in at 190 pounds; the master of mayhem, the creator of chaos, the duke of disharmony; it's...DISCORD!" There was a white flash, and the aformentioned draconequus appeared. "Whassup, DVI?"

"What the heck? Discord ain't a Disney villain!" Hades called. "He's from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, that silly little girl's show that has a really big adult male following...like Jaffy over there."

"You promised you'd keep my brony-hood a secret!" Jafar barked.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Jafar: (patting a Pinkie Pie figurine) They just don't understand us, do they, Pinkie Pie? No, they don't, the silly sillyheads.

* * *

"You're right, Hades, but none of the Disney villains would fight Maleficent, and Discord was the only NON-Disney villain who would agree to it," Chris explained.

* * *

CONFESSION CAM

Ratigan: Actually AGREEING to fight Maleficent? That Discord is either extremely brave...or extremely STUPID.

Discord: (appearing next to Ratigan) Hey, I'm not stupid! Crazy maybe, but I'm FAR from stupid!

Ratigan: GAH! How the hell did you get IN here?

Discord: Hell-OH! All-powerful reality warper! Teleportation is a BREEZE! (Ratigan runs out) Typical skittish little rat.

Ratigan: (offscreen) I AM NOT A RAT!

* * *

"It doesn't matter WHAT show you're from, dragon-horse beast!" Maleficent told Discord. "I will smite you and use your skull as a water glass!"

Discord yawned with boredom. "Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Bring it on, Mally!"

Maleficent narrowed her eyes and lifted her staff. "Fields of thorns!" She pointed the staff at Discord. Immediately thorny vines started wrapping themselves around the draconequus. Unphased at all, Discord snapped his fingers. The vines turned into red licorice strings, which the god of chaos quickly devoured.

Discord finished his snack and let out a loud burp. "How about something a little more INTIMIDATING, huh, lady?"

Maleficent growled, then raised her staff again. "Falling rocks!" Large rocks appeared above the draconequus, but he snapped his fingers and the rocks became bubbles. "That all you got? Twilight Sparkle is scarier than you!"

That did it for Maleficent. She raised her arms. "Now shall you deal with ME, oh Discord..."

"Oh boy, we've got a ham here," Discord chuckled.

"...and all the Powers of HELL!" In a puff of green smoke, Maleficent turned into a giant black and purple dragon. She started breathing green flames at the draconequus.

Discord looked scared for a minute...then grinned. "Impressive, my dear. But not enough to beat ME." He snapped his fingers yet again. Immediately Maleficent started to shrink. Within seconds, the giant dragon was a tiny black-and-purple lizard.

"And with that, Discord wins the battle!" Chris announced. "Ratigan, Grimhilde and Ursula, you all win invincibility for the night, as well as a brand new Play Station 3 and five new games apiece!" The three villains cheered. "The rest of you will have to choose who's going home tonight."

* * *

That night, the villains gathered at the Losers' Circle. "Six pieces of licorice, six safe villains. When I call your name, come get your licorice. Jafar...Gothel...Scar...Facilier...Hades." The villains accepted their candy.

"Maleficent and Frollo, you are the last two to face elimination. Here we go. The final licorice goes to...Maleficent."

"WHAT?!" Frollo exploded.

"Sorry, Frollo, but you got beat by RATCLIFFE," Hades commented. "That's pretty sad."

"YOU MISERABLE SINNERS! YOU SHALL ALL GO TO HELL FOR ELIMINATING ME!" Frollo screamed. Chef grabbed him and dragged him away to the Boat of Losers. "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!"

"Ooookay," Chris responded. "Who will be the next of our nine remaining contestants to leave? Find out next time on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**(senses a storm of angry Frollo fans) I'm sorry, OK, I love Frollo, too, but I had to kick SOMEBODY off, and out of the remaining villains he was the lowest on my favorites list! (ducks into a storm cellar)**

**You read correctly, peeps, Discord kicked Maleficent's butt. Mal may have the Powers of Hell on her side, but Dis can change all reality, INCLUDING Hell. And yes, the Confession Cam with Ratigan and Discord was nothing more than a cheesy fangirl move to get my two favorite animated villains to have a conversation...cheap, I know, but I couldn't help it. **

**Hope you guys enjoyed the cameo of Louis from The Princess and the Frog...he's one of my favorite Disney sidekicks (he's an alligator who can play the trumpet, now THAT is cool!) and I needed a different way for Chris to wake the villains up, so I thought why not have Lou blasting his trumpet. What'd you all think, stupid, funny, what?**

**Thanks for reading, guys! Tune in next time!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	7. Fear and Loathing in Wawanakwa

**Yo, whassup dawgs? OK, that's as street as I can get...what can I say, I'm a nerd. **

**Anywhoz, here's the next chapter of Disney Villain Island! This is based on the Phobia Factor episode, which is one of my all-time favorites. Special thanks goes to , who suggested some fears for the villains and some funny dialogue...thanks hun, you're awesome! OK, here we go!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the villains had to battle against some of the Disney villains that DIDN'T make the cut as contestants. Some failed spectacularly, while others won invincibility. At the end of it all, we said goodbye to Judge Frollo, who lost a contest against the ever-sissy Governor Ratcliffe. Ouch, right in the manhood, dude! What will go down next? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villains all gathered in the mess hall right after Frollo was dragged off. "Can you believe that Frollo yutz is finally gone?" Hades asked.

"If I had to hear one more comment about how we were all going to go to Hell for doing something "immoral," I was going to slice him into ribbons," Scar commented.

"What I want to know is what the guy has against gypsies," Gothel wondered.

Maleficent shrugged. "Who knows? Just one of those funny little fears some people have."

"Well my dear, EVERYBODY'S afraid of SOMETHING," Ratigan reminded her.

"Well I am afraid of NOTHING," Maleficent denied.

"Me too," Jafar agreed. He fell silent for a moment. "Except for monkeys."

A few villains snickered. "You're afraid of MONKEYS?" Ursula asked.

"Excuse me, but I got bitten by Aladdin's stupid little monkey, I could've gotten rabies!" Jafar tried to defend his phobia.

"I understand your fear, Jafar," Scar spoke up. "I myself am afraid of hyenas...at least after my very UNFORTUNATE encounter with them last time." The black-maned lion shuddered.

* * *

CONFESSIONAL CAM

Hades: And then the whole night turned into some sort of confess-thy-fears malarky. Like Ursula's afraid of sharks, Grimhilde's afraid of broken mirrors, Facilier's afraid of graveyards, Gothel's afraid of snakes and Ratigan's afraid of heights. (glares and points finger at camera) This better NOT turn into one of those stupid challenges like ya did LAST season, McLean!

* * *

"What about YOU Hades, what are YOU afraid of?" Facilier asked.

"Me?" the god asked. "Fine, but nobody better say nothin' to anybody else." He sighed. "I'm afraid of water." When the others grinned at him, he added. "A. I'm always on fire...well, not when I'm wearing this meschuge collar, but still, and B. I was dragged into a river of souls for days."

Maleficent rolled her eyes. "Come on, Maleficent, you MUST be afraid of SOMETHING," Grimhilde told the Mistress of All Evil.

"No, I'm afraid of nothing."

* * *

CONFESSIONAL CAM

Maleficent: I am not about to admit this to any of the other villains, but...there IS ONE thing I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of...

* * *

The next morning, the villains gathered back in the mess hall for breakfast. As they finished up, Chris went to the front of the hall. "Are you all ready for today's challenge?" There were a few groans. "Good! Today's challenge will be a bit different. But first..." He took a hand mirror out of his bag and punched it, breaking the glass. Grimhilde screamed and fell to the floor.

* * *

CONFESSIONAL CAM

Grimhilde: (in a fetal position) Seven years bad luck...seven years bad luck...oh God oh God oh God oh God.

Ratigan: (shaking his head) Grimhilde is an imbecile.

* * *

The villains gasped as they realized what this meant. "That's right," Chris replied. "Today's challenge is facing your deepest, darkest fears. Anyone who can face their fears wins invincibility for the night. Anyone who doesn't...you know the drill." The host paused. "Oh, and BTW...thanks for the suggestion, Hades, I had another challenge planned but your comment last night definitely inspired me." The villains all glared at the god of the Underworld.

* * *

CONFESSIONAL CAM

Hades: (facepalm) Oy, me and my big fat yap!

* * *

Later that morning, the villains were all preparing to face their fears. First up, Hades had to get into the lake and swim to a small dock in the middle of the lake and back. At first, the god was hesistant, but he eventually dove in and swam to and back. Chris smiled and nodded. "Well done."

Next up, Gothel had to pick up Sir Hiss and let him wrap around her arm for ten minutes. She flinched a few times, but she made it.

The next villain up was Ursula, who was put in a shark cage and placed in a tank full of sharks for ten minutes. While she made the entire time, she was shaking like a leaf by the time she was pulled out. Chris shrugged. "Eh, she made it technically, so let's give it to her."

Ratigan was next. He had to climb to the top of a tree and stay up there for ten minutes. He climbed up, but as soon as he was up and looked down he freaked out. "Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God."

"C'mon, Ratti, ya only hafta be up there for ten minutes!" Hades called up to the professor. "We're right down here to make sure you're OK!"

"OK? OK?!" Ratigan practically shrieked. "I most certainly am NOT OK! My heart is racing, my vision is blurry, and I would be vomiting right now if I had a gag reflex!"

"Just hang on for a little while!" Ursula called.

"And try not to fall off!" Gothel added.

"Not...helping..." Ratigan replied through gritted teeth. But he gulped and managed to stay up in the tree for ten minutes.

"There now, that wasn't so bad, now was it?" Chris asked once Ratigan was on the ground. The professor answered him by falling to the ground, fainted.

* * *

CONFESSIONAL CAM

Grimhilde: (shaking her head) Ratigan is an imbecile.

* * *

The next four battles did not go so well. Jafar ran screaming out of the monkey cage he was placed in after one minute, Grimhilde broke down crying in the Hall of Broken Mirrors, Facilier passed out in the middle of the Wawanakwa Cemetery as he was walking through, and Scar outright refused to go into the hyena enclosure that had been set up. Maleficent smiled contentedly. "Well, I guess that's it. No more challenges."

"Not so fast, Miss Mistress of All Evil," Chris spoke up. "There IS ONE more challenge."

"What are you talking about? They all did their challenges!"

"Yes, but YOU HAVEN'T."

"But I'M not afraid of anything!"

Chris grinned. "Oh really?" Maleficent gulped. Chris led her off to a room where everything was pink; the walls, the carpet, the furniture, everything. Maleficent shivered.

"PINK? You're afraid of PINK?" Hades chuckled. "Are you freaking SERIOUS?" Maleficent responded by starting to cry.

"Apparently so," Ratigan commented.

* * *

CONFESSIONAL CAM

Maleficent: PINK! Why did it have to be PINK? It's so girly and disgustingly cute...just like that wretched Princess Aurora! Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick!

* * *

"All you have to do to gain invincibility is to stay locked in the pink room for ten minutes without trying to get out," Chris told the miserable fairy. "Now in you go." He pushed her into the room and locked the door behind her. "Start the timer." The timer started. After ten minutes passed, Chris opened the door...to find Maleficent fainted on the ground. He shook his head. "Tsk tsk, I expected more from the Mistress of All Evil. OK, Hades, Gothel, Ursula and Ratigan all win invincibility tonight, along with the prize of a twenty-dollar coupon to Horror R Us, the world's leading provider of scary movies. The rest of you, please vote off one of the other villains."

* * *

That night, the five losing villains gathered at the Loser's Circle. "I have here four pieces of black licorice," Chris announced. "Whoever..."

"...does not receive a piece of licorice will be sent down the Dock of Shame and board the Boat of Losers," Jafar finished. "We get it, now can we PLEASE move on?"

"Fine, fine. When I call your name, come get the licorice. Facilier...Grimhilde...Jafar." The three villains received their licorice, leaving Scar and Maleficent. "And now, drum roll please. Tonight's final licorice goes to...Maleficent. Scar, you didn't even FACE your fear, so to you we say _kwa herini_."

Scar growled. "I'll show YOU _kwa herini_!" He leapt, preparing to maul Chris, but Chef appeared out of nowhere and shot a tranquilizer dart into the lion's neck, making him crash to the ground, unconscious. Chef then dragged the subdued lion to the Boat of Losers and tossed him in.

"And another one is gone," Chris announced. "What will go on next for our eight remaining baddies? Find out next time on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**Aw crap, first I have to hide from the Frollo fans and now I have to hide from the Scar fans...y'know what, I think I'll just stay in my fanstorm cellar until the finale. But rest assured, I do love Scar, I just thought he would fail spectacularly at facing hyenas (not that I blame him).**

**Some of the villains' fears I tried to make a little bit of sense of, such as Ratigan being afraid of heights after falling off Big Ben (I was originally going to make him afraid of clocks but Captain Hook already has that one pegged) and Facilier being afraid of graveyards after being dragged to Hell in one, but some I wanted to make completely silly, like Mal's fear of the color pink (which BTW is my favorite color of all time, I'm a total girly-girl!) Hopefully y'all liked it.**

**Thanks for tuning in, and I hope to see you guys again soon!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	8. Wheel of Torture

**ello-Hay, iends-fray! ope-Hay ou-yay are-ay eady-ray or-fay e-thay ext-nay allenge-chay! (No, I won't be doing the whole Author's Note in Pig Latin, LOL!)**

**Today's challenge is another one based on a previous episode of TDI, in which the contestants had to sit through ten seconds of ridiculous methods of torture. Hope you enjoy it!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the bad guys had to deal with their deepest darkest fears. Some of the fears made sense, while others were just plain ridiculous. But at the end of it all, it was Scar who went home, for being too much of a chicken to face the hyenas. Who will be the next to leave? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villains were getting ready for the day. Ratigan got back to the cabin after taking a shower and began to get dressed. Just then, he noticed something on his bed. "What's this?" He got closer to the bed to see a black orchid resting on his pillow. Tied to the orchid's stem was a note. He opened it and read it.

The other villains came into the cabin. "What's that?" Jafar asked. Ratigan handed him the note. The sorcerer read it aloud: "_To the criminal mastermind who's stolen my heart_."

"Oh ho ho ho, check it out, boys, Ratti's got a secret admirer," Hades spoke up.

Ratigan was silent for a moment. Then, he burst out laughing. "All right, which one of you jokers sent me this?"

"What do you mean? None of us sent it," Facilier denied.

"Yeah, we're all innocent," Hades agreed.

Ratigan narrowed his eyes at the three. "You mean to tell me that this note ACTUALLY came from one of the villainesses?" he asked.

"Apparently," Jafar replied.

"Hmmm, interesting..."

"So, ya wanna go out and find out who your secret shmoopsie is?" Hades asked.

"No, not really. The fun of having a secret admirer is, it's a SECRET."

Just then, the loudspeaker turned on. "Villains! Meet me at the ampitheater in twenty for your next challenge."

"Well, another day, another inane challenge," Ratigan sighed. He left the cabin. Jafar and Facilier started out, but were stopped by Hades.

"Uh-uh, you two yutzes are stayin' here while we devise a plan to figure out who Ratti's secret admirer is," the god told them.

"You heard Ratigan, he wants his secret admirer to REMAIN a secret," Jafar reminded him.

"Yeah, to HIM," Hades added. "That doesn't mean she's gotta be a secret to US! OK, so here's what we're gonna do..."

* * *

The villains all gathered in the ampitheater. "Good morning, villains!" Chris announced. "I hope you all are ready for your next challenge, because it is going to be harrowing."

* * *

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Maleficent: When are these stupid challenges ever NOT harrowing?

* * *

Hades came to the ampitheater late. Jafar and Facilier had abandoned him earlier, having refused to help him figure out who Ratigan's secret admirer is. He sat next to Grimhilde. "Hey there, Grimmie, how's it going?" Grimhilde just arched an eyebrow at him. "Hey, I was wonderin'...what's your take on black orchids?"

"I'm allergic to orchids," Grimhilde replied grimly.

"RIGHT." Hades took a small scroll out of his pocket and a quill pen. "NOT Grimhilde." He scratched the evil queen's name off of his list of villainesses.

"Hades..." Chris spoke up. "Seeing as you seem to have had something better to do than arrive on time, why don't you come up here first?"

Hades glared at Chris as he put the scroll and quill back into his pocket. "Fine, fine." He went up to the stage. "So what's the challenge this time, McLean?"

"I'm so glad you asked. Perhaps you've heard of a little thing called...the Wheel of Torture?" Chris asked.

"Oh crap," Hades cursed.

"That's right...the Wheel of Torture, the little device that decides what method of misery you'll have to go through to go on to the next level! Last one standing wins invincibility."

* * *

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Hades: I got news for ya, McLean...you already GOT a method of misery for us. It's called this stinkin' show!

* * *

"Now let's spin the wheel to see what torture our favorite god of the Underworld shall be going through." Chris spun the wheel, and it landed on a red space. Chris took the card off of the space and read it. "Ooh, the ever ear-splitting chalkboard scratch. You have to endure ten seconds of listening to someone scratching a chalkboard without covering your ears in order to make it to the next level. Oh, Captain!" Captain Hook came out, carrying a small chalkboard. He held it in his right hand and scratched it with his hook. The other villains all covered their ears, but Hades remained unflinching until the ten seconds were up. "And amazingly, Hades makes it to the next challenge!" Chris declared, uncovering his ears. "How do you do it?"

Hades shrugged. "When you're used to hearing the souls of the deceased moaning 24-7, you tend to get desensitized about sounds. Can I go back to my seat now?" Chris nodded, and the god went back to the audience, where he sat next to Gothel. "So, Gothel...picked any pretty flowers lately?"

"So, Hades...asked any stupidly specific questions lately?" Gothel responded. Hades shook his head and crossed Gothel's name off of his list.

* * *

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Hades: So that means that Ratti's secret admirer is either Maleficent or Ursula...go figure.

* * *

"OK, next up, we have Grimhilde," Chris announced. The queen came up to the stage. "Let's pick out a torture for you, shall we, my queen?" He spun the wheel and it stopped on a blue space. Chris took out the card. "The chocolate sauce spa treatment...yummy."

Chef strapped Grimhilde to a chair, then went on to put the queen's hands and feet into tubs of chocolate sauce. Grimhilde grimaced and leapt out of the chair, breaking the straps, after five seconds. "Eww! Gross gross gross gross GROOOOOOOSS!"

Chris shook his head. "And with that, we have our first elimination."

* * *

And so the villains received different methods of torture to endure for ten seconds. Many did not make the required ten seconds. Noteable failures including Jafar running screaming off the stage after three seconds of listening to Justin Bieber, Ratigan pulling his hand out of a vat of molten hot liqud cheese after seven seconds (although he did enjoy licking the cheese off of his hand), and Gothel not being able to stand ten seconds of Iago talking and running offstage after five. Soon, the only two left were Facilier and Maleficent.

"May the best villain win," Facilier told the evil fairy.

"Oh, she will," Maleficent replied smugly.

"Say, Mal, before you go up..." Hades began. "Cute love notes, yea or nay?" Maleficent eyed the god oddly, as if to say "What do YOU think?" "Gotcha." Hades took out his list and crossed Maleficent's name off. "Holy gyros...that means that URSULA is Ratti's secret admirer?" He looked over at the obese sea witch. He went over to her. "Nice weather we're havin', huh?"

"What do you want, Hades?" Ursula asked.

"I was wonderin'...if you won this whole Ultimate Disney Villain title schtick, which would be awesome, it seems kinda pointless to have such a big title if you ain't got somebody special to share it with."

Ursula looked at the god. "Are you hitting on me or something?"

"No, no, just curious about if you have someone special to share such a big change in your life with," Hades responded.

"No, not currently."

Hades looked confused. "No crushes or anything?"

"Nope."

* * *

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Hades: OK, this makes NO sense whatsoever...how can Ursula not be the secret admirer, she's the last villainess left! GAH! This whole thing is giving me a headache!

* * *

"Here we have the last two villains," Chris announced. "Whichever one of you can last ten seconds first wins. So who's going to go first?"

"Ladies first," Facilier offered, bowing to Maleficent.

"OK. Here's your torture, Maleficent." Chris spun the wheel, which landed on a purple space. He read the card. "Ooh, ten seconds in a box with a rabid badger. Brutal."

Chef used a pole to take the badger out of its cage and into the box. Then, he pushed Maleficent into the box and quickly shut it behind her. Chris started the timer. After ten seconds went by, he had Chef open the box. There stood Maleficent, unscratched, with a quivering badger at her feet. Everyone just stared at her in awe.

"And with that, Maleficent wins invincibility and the special prize...a Wheel of Torture home game!" Chris announced. "The rest of you...you know what to do."

* * *

That night, the villains gathered at the Loser's Circle. Chris stood before them. "Six pieces of licorice. Seven villains. One of you is going home tonight. When I call your name, come get your licorice. Ratigan...Jafar...Ursula...Gothel...Hades."

"Facilier, Grimhilde, you are the last two, vying for the last licorice. The moment of truth. The final piece of licorice goes to...Facilier. Grimhilde, you're leaving us, so we say _Auf Wiedersehen_." Grimhilde glared at Chris, but walked to the Boat of Losers with a haughty look in her eye. Chef groaned as he carried all of her luggage to the Boat and loaded it. The boat took off. "And so we've reached the halfway point of our game. What crazy things will go on for our baddies? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**And so we bid farewell to the evil queen...she's another case in that she's a cool villain, but I still hate her guts for being a bitch to Snow White. **

**Is it weird that a human/humanoid villainess would have a crush on Ratigan? On the surface, yes, but if you get past the obvious turnoff factor, he'd make a great boyfriend...he's smart, he's witty, he's charming, he's got mad sex appeal (for a big mouse)...so who is his secret admirer?**

**See you soon for the next challenge!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	9. Sixty Minutes in Hell

**Hey guyz hey! Miss me?**

**OK, so this chapter's challenge was suggested by several different readers, so thanks to all of you. Special thanks goes to , who helped me come up with some of the face-offs and jokes, ESPECIALLY the scene with Ratigan and Olivia...muchas gracias, mi amiga!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...we tested out just how much torture a villain can take. It turns out, not a lot. Except for Maleficent, who won invincibility, leaving Queen Grimhilde to become the wimpiest one of all and be escorted to the Boat of Losers. Also, Ratigan got a note from a secret admirer, and Hades decided to work behind the professor's back to figure out who the lovely lady is. Will the villains handle the next challenge well? Will Hades ever discover the identity of the secret admirer? Will I survive the end of this show once the villains get their powers back? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villainesses were chatting as they got ready for the day. "Hey, you girls want to hear something weird?" Ursula asked. "I think Hades was coming onto me the other day."

"Really?" Gothel gasped. "Why do you think that?"

"Well, he was asking me if I had a crush on anyone."

"Weird. He asked ME if I'd picked any pretty flowers recently, and I overheard him ask Grimhilde what she thought about black orchids."

THUD! Maleficent dropped her horned hat on the ground. "Black orchids? Why would Hades ask about black orchids?"

"Not sure. It was really weird," Gothel responded.

"Oh, you get used to it," Ursula assured the newbie. "Hades is a ladies' man. He's flirted with pretty much every villainess ever, including Maleficent. Isn't that right, Mal?" The sea witch then noticed that Maleficent had left the cabin.

* * *

Maleficent stormed off to where Hades was talking with Jafar. "Hades! You and I need to have a talk!"

Jafar chuckled. "I can see that you two will need some time alone. Good luck, Hades." He left.

Once Jafar was out of earshot, Maleficent grabbed Hades by the collar of his chiton. "All right, what do you know?"

"What do I know about WHAT?" Hades asked.

"Oh don't play dumb with me, Hades. What do you know about the love note I sent to Ratigan?"

Hades blinked. Then, a smile spread on his face. "Wait a minute...you mean that YOU'RE Ratti's secret admirer?" The god burst out laughing. "You, Miss Tall, Green and Nasty, you've fallen in love with a rat!" He continued to laugh until Maleficent slapped him square on the jaw, shutting him up.

"Now you listen to ME, Hades," Maleficent told him menacingly. "If you breath a WORD of this to ANYONE, ESPECIALLY to Ratigan, I don't care if you ARE a god, I will KILL you! Understood?"

"Yeah, yeah, capice," Hades replied. He snickered as he walked off. "Mal and Ratti, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes freaky little half-rat half-fairy babies in a baby carriage."

* * *

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Maleficent: That stupid Hades! I can't let him ruin this secret for me. I'll have to act colder to Ratigan so he doesn't discover my secret. I can't let him distract me with his sharp intellect, or his coldhearted demeanor...or those big, golden eyes, that superbly dreamy voice, that totally ripped body...(sighs, then slaps herself) No! You must be cold!

* * *

At breakfast, Chris went up to the front of the hall. "First off, I'd like to congratulate you guys for making it to the halfway point. We've seen a lot of villains walk the Dock of Shame this season, and it has been AWESOME."

* * *

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Facilier: Apparently we have different definitions for the word "awesome."

* * *

"That being said, I hope you guys are ready for your next challenge, because it's going to be a fun one. Back in the kitchen, Chef and I have built seven different rooms that lock from the outside. Your task is to spend an hour locked in the room with someone from your movie. The villain who is able to go the LEAST insane around the other person wins invincibility."

* * *

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Ratigan: As long as the other person in question isn't Basil, I think I'll be all right.

Gothel: This should be easy. I can't think of anyone they'd throw me in with other than Rapunzel, and that girl is a pushover.

* * *

So the villains were all ushered to different rooms in back in the kitchen. Gothel smiled when she saw the figure standing in the shadows. "Why hello, my little flower. How are..." Then, she noticed that the figure was not Rapunzel, but rather it was Flynn Rider. Gothel narrowed her eyes. "You..."

Flynn turned to glare at Gothel. "You..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Ratigan found himself locked in the room with little Olivia Flaversham, now the size of a normal little girl, who was obliviously brushing a doll's hair. "Oh, great, the ONE mouse in all of mousedom I hate almost as much as Basil."

Olivia looked up at the rat. "Oh, hello, Professor Ratigan. Would you like to play dolls with me?"

"NO."

"Why not?"

"Because villains don't play with dolls, that's why."

Olivia frowned. "Aww, you're a boring old rat! Basil's way more fun than you. HE'D play with my My Little Pony dolls with me!"

"That's because Basil is an imbecile, and if you EVER call me a rat again I will EAT you."

* * *

Jafar smirked as he saw that the person he would be spending time with was Princess Jasmine. "Why hello again, Princess. Long time no see."

WHACK! Jasmine slapped Jafar across the face. "Get anywhere near me and see what ELSE I'll do to you!" she threatened. Jafar just looked at her with a "What did I do?" look on his face.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hades was burying his face into his hands as he listened to his brother Zeus chatting about how good his son Hercules was doing.

"...and now Hercules and Meg are expecting their first baby!" Zeus went on. "In a way, Hades, I should be THANKING you for trying to take over Mount Olympus. If you hadn't, my boy would have never ended up on Earth or met that wonderful girl."

"Oy, shoot me NOW," Hades groaned.

* * *

"Why, hello, King Triton," Ursula greeted the king of Atlantica. "How are you doing?"

"How am I doing? How do you THINK I'm doing?" Triton yelled. "Thanks to you and your meddling, my baby girl is on land, amongst the humans, never able to come back to her family!"

"Excuse me, but A. the brat CAME to me practically BEGGING me to turn her into a human," Ursula began, "and B. I thought you were over the whole anti-human thing after meeting Eric."

"He's fine, for a human, but for every Eric there's still a hundred fish-eaters! What if one of them tries to hurt my little Ariel?" Ursula shook her head.

* * *

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Ursula: Once a bigot, always a bigot.

* * *

Meanwhile, Facilier was being tortured into hearing the blabber mouthed Charlotte La Bouff talk and talk and talk.

"...and so now Tia and Naveen are runnin' their little restaurant, and it is just the CUTEST thing I've ever SEEN! You'd just LOVE it, it's all decorated in green like a lily pad, and Naveen gets to play his ukulele with the band, which for some reason has a GATOR for a trumpet player, I dunno, I guess he's part of Tia's little frog story, and Big Daddy and I go there ALL the time, 'cause Daddy just LOVES Tia's beignets, and I don't blame him they are just HEAVENLY, all fluffy and sweet and perfect. You know, that reminds me of the last Mardi Gras party Big Daddy hosted at our house, where Tia made a whole batch of those tasty little babies and I was wearin' this cute little pink dress, and my friend Shawna came by...boy howdy, can that girl chatter on like a parrot! Whenever you get her talkin', she just canNOT shut up for one SECOND! How annoying is THAT? So anyway, Shawna was wearin' this ugly old orange frock, but bein' a lady I couldn't tell her that it made her look like a lumpy carrot, so I just kept my mouth shut about it..."

* * *

In the last room, Maleficent was locked in with Princess Aurora. The evil fairy shuddered inwardly when she saw that the princess was wearing a pink dress, but managed to keep her composure.

"Oh, Maleficent, I just LOVE that robe you're wearing," Aurora was commenting. "But the color...do forgive me, my dear, but black is just too depressing. You should try wearing a nice blue dress once in a while, or maybe something pink. I'll bet you'd look WONDERFUL in pink!"

* * *

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Facilier: (slamming his head against the wall)

Jafar: This is ridiculous! I can't go one minute trying to have a conversation with that bitch Jasmine without getting slapped or kneed in the crotch! Why did I EVER think she'd be a worthwhile bride?

Ratigan: So FINALLY, just to get the little brat to shut up, I decided to play with the stupid My Little Pony dolls. BIG mistake! She kept telling me that I was doing it wrong, and that THIS pony does THIS, and THAT pony does THAT...why the hell does that show attract so many men?!

* * *

Finally, by the end of the hour, Chris had the doors opened. The characters were still intact, but many of the villains were complete mental messes...except for Ratigan, who they caught playing with Olivia and a bunch of My Little Pony dolls and SMILING. "Erm...and then the evil Twilight Sparkle rained down her fiery wrath upon the rest of the ponies for, um, eating all of her apples."

"No, Professor, Applejack is the one who harvests apples," Olivia corrected him. "And besides, that's Rarity that you're holding, not Twilight. But thanks for playing with me! You're not so boring after all." She hugged the professor and ran off, leaving Chris and the other villains to smile teasingly at Ratigan. "I swear to God, I wasn't having fun!"

"Sure you weren't, My Little Ratti," Hades snickered. That earned him a punch in the face from the rodent professor, which knocked him over. The other villains looked from the K. god to the muscular rodent.

"Anyone ELSE want to say anything?" Ratigan asked threateningly. The others shook their heads. Ratigan grinned. "I didn't THINK so."

* * *

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Maleficent: (sighing) Sensitive AND able to kick your ass if you insult him. Is it any wonder why I love him so? (slaps herself) Stay COLD!

Jafar: Lucky rat, getting to play My Little Pony.

Hades: (rubbing his jaw) Oy vey, I think that bastard broke my jaw.

* * *

"Well, I think it's safe to say that Ratigan wins invincibility...AGAIN," Chris announced. "And here's your prize...a lifetime supply of My Little Pony fruit snacks!"

* * *

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Ratigan: Oh, ha ha HA.

* * *

That night, the villains gathered at the Losers' Circle. "I have in my hand five pieces of black licorice, as always. The villain who does not receive a piece of licorice will be going home tonight. When I call my name, come and get your licorice. Ursula...Gothel...Facilier...Maleficent."

"Jafar, Hades, you are the last two. And now, we come to the big moment. The final licorice goes to...Hades."

"Why am I getting kicked out?" Jafar demanded.

"Because further inspections of Jasmine showed that she had bruises, cuts and the beginnings of a black eye," Chris explained. "That's just messed up."

"She hit me first!"

Hades shrugged. "Still, hitting a sixteen-year-old girl...NOT cool, Jaffy. Buh-bye."

Jafar growled, but stormed down to the Boat of Losers without aid. "And so another villain bites the dust. What's going to go down next time? And will Maleficent ever get the guts to confess her feelings to Ratigan? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**I...I don't even know how to respond to Jaffy's elimination. I mean, I really like him, but I'm not devastated that he's gone. Still, I'm in my fanstorm cellar. **

**Man, Ratigan keeps raking in the invincibility, doesn't he? Guess I oughta start calling him Heathigan...heehee, get it, because Heather on TDI kept winning invincibility even though she was a nasty bitch, and Ratti keeps winning invincibility even though he's a nasty bastard, but then again all of the villains are nasty bastards/bitches...oh never mind.**

**Some notes on the character portrayals: 1. I love Lottie, but I could totally see her as being an annoying motor mouth. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong. 2. Aurora is my least favorite Disney princess, so I tried to make her as boring as possible. And yes, I prefer the Disney Princess merchandise pink dress over the movie blue dress...what can I say, I love pink. 3. I love Jasmine, but I thought she might be kind of a bitch to Jafar (can you blame her?), and I just thought it'd be funnier for her to be the one Jaffy faces rather than Aladdin.**

**So Maleficent is Ratigan's secret admirer...INTERESTING. And yes, I know the idea of a Maligan pairing would be a little weird (OK, a LOT weird)...don't like it, don't comment on it. **

**So what's gonna go do next time? Gotta keep reading to find out!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	10. Volunteers of Sadness

**Greetings, FanFiction fans! I hope you're ready for a totally awesome new chapter of Disney Villain Island!**

**Today's challenge was thought up by Jackpot 2...thanks! Enjoy, y'all!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...drama arose when Maleficent learned that Hades knew about her crush on Ratigan...dramalicious! The baddies were locked in rooms with another character from their movies for an hour. Torture! Facilier got an earful from the ever-chatty Charlotte La Bouff, Maleficent had to deal with her pinkophobia to face Princess Aurora, and Ratigan unleashed his inner brony playing with Olivia Flaversham, winning the rodent professor invincibility for the bazillionth time. Ultimately, it was the wizard Jafar who got the boot for getting a little too physical with Princess Jasmine...not that I blame you, pal. What will go down this time? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villains were all sleeping soundly in their cabins. Suddenly, they heard a loud siren.

"AAAUGH!" Facilier screamed. "Oh crap, it's the police! Hide!" He and his cabinmates got out of their beds and crawled underneath them.

"Relax, scaredy villains, it's just me," Chris announced on the loudspeaker. "I just got this old police siren, and I wanted to test it out! Got you all up, though, didn't it?"

* * *

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Hades: When this whole thing is over...Chris McLean is a DEAD man!

* * *

Once they were up and ready, the villains went to the mess hall for breakfast. As usual, Ursula was the only one who could actually touch the food without wanting to throw up. Chris went up to the front of the hall. "I hope you guys are ready for your next challenge!" He was met with the usual annoyed groans. "Great! Meet me at the Dock of Shame in twenty!"

* * *

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Maleficent: So far I think Operation: Rat on Ice is working perfectly. I've been acting so coldly towards Ratigan, I doubt even HIS super genius mind can figure out my true feelings. (sighs) That super genius intellect. (slaps herself)

* * *

The villains all gathered at the Dock of Shame like Chris asked them to. "So...what's this all about? You kickin' all of us off at once?" Hades asked the host.

"Now why would I prematurely end the show like that? Do you know how hard the ratings would drop?" Chris asked. "No, you're all here because today's challenge takes place on the main land."

Just then, a large pirate ship sailed up. "Ahoy, ye scurvy swabs!" a familiar voice called to the villains. They all looked up to see Captain Hook standing on deck. "The Jolly Roger is ship-shape and ready to sail!"

"Thanks, Captain!" Chris called back. "The Captain has so graciously offered to give us all a lift to the main land for the challenge. Now get onboard! Nothing but smooth sailing ahead!"

* * *

"You call THIS "smooth sailing?"" Ratigan whined as he slumped in his seat, his face green. "I don't think I've ever been more sick in my life! Oh God, curse my stupid non-vomiting biology!"

"Oh c'mon, Ratti, this ain't bad at all!" Hades told his rodent friend. "In fact, it's kinda fun to go sailin'! Just sit back and enjoy the ride."

Ratigan groaned as he glared at the god. "Tell that to my stomach."

Maleficent sighed. _Even sick as a dog, he's still the most unbelievably attractive villain in the entire world...grr, focus, Maleficent! Do NOT get distracted by his charms_!

* * *

The boat finally stopped once they reached the main land. "Oh thank God, land!" Ratigan sighed.

Chris smiled as he stood in front of the villains. "Today's challenge is one that will test your hearts. It's a day of volunteer work! I've signed you guys up to do various charitable acts, and the one who lasts the longest without complaining wins invincibility! OK, get to it! You're needed at a house building site in downtown Muskoka Lakes ASAP!"

* * *

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Gothel: Volunteer work? We're villains! We don't do volunteer work!

* * *

The villains made their way to the building site, where they were greeted by a hugely overweight blond boy, a large-framed African-Canadian girl with a ponytail, and a skinny redheaded girl all in green. All three teenagers were wearing hardhats and carrying construction equipment.

"Hey, you must be the contestants Chris sent to us," the large girl figured. "Nice to meet y'all. I'm LeShawna, and this is Owen and Izzy."

"Hi!" the others greeted the villains.

"Oh my gosh, are you guys just LOVING Camp Wawanakwa?" Izzy asked. "Isn't it just the COOLEST? I had the best time there! Except for getting chased down by the RCMP, and getting voted off for accidentally shooting another contestant in the butt with a dart, but still, totally great!"

"I SO agree!" Owen spoke up. "Camp Wawanakwa ROCKS! Woo-hoo!"

* * *

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Hades: Spendin' time with those two yutzes? Oy, this day is gonna hurt, ain't it?

* * *

"OK, Green Girl and Rat Boy, y'all can help Izzy bring up the walls," LeShawna told the villains. "Octopus Lady, you help put in the plumbin' with Owen. The rest of y'all, help me with the rest."

So the villains began to get to work as Chris sat back and watched. "Oh, this is going to be fun." He turned to the camera. "Oh, don't worry, the lawsuits for the former contestants state I can't be within fifty feet of the kids...so I'm fifty-ONE feet away! Loopholes are a beautiful thing."

The villains worked with their supervisors. At one point, Ratigan was holding a board up. "Say, Maleficent, could you hand me that hammer over there?" he asked. Maleficent acted like she didn't hear him. "Maleficent?" No response. "MALEFICENT!"

The fairy turned to face the professor. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to ME?"

Ratigan rolled his eyes. "No, I was talking to the OTHER Maleficent, standing behind you...YES I WAS TALKING TO YOU! NOW COULD YOU PLEASE HAND ME THE DAMNED HAMMER?" Maleficent shrugged and handed him the hammer. "Thank you." The rat shook his head and muttered "Bitch..." under his breath.

* * *

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Izzy: Oh my gosh, that green lady is SO in love with that rat dude! You can totally tell! It's just like when I was learning jungle survival skills in the Amazon, and the one chick instructor had a mongo crush on the guy instructor, but she acted like a total bitch to him so he wouldn't notice her feelings, but it didn't matter because he got swallowed alive by an anaconda and she was eaten by a giant Venus flytrap plant. It was SO gross...hey, anyone else wanna order pizza?

* * *

After a while, the house was finally up, and not one of the villains had complained at all. "Nicely done, villains, nicely done," Chris told them.

"So that's it, right?" Hades asked. "The house is up, so we can go back, right?"

"Oh, no, no, this was just the beginning," Chris replied. "You guys have a whole DAY of volunteer work to do!"

"Are you freaking KIDDING me?" Gothel yelled. "I just broke all of my nails and got my hair messed up, and we're not DONE? God, this SUCKS!"

Chris smirked. "And with that, Gothel is out of the game."

* * *

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Gothel: I don't even care! In fact, I'm GLAD! I (bleep)ING HATE VOLUNTEER WORK!

* * *

Next up, Chris took the villains to a soup kitchen. "Your job here is to serve food to the homeless people of Muskoka Lakes," the host explained. "Don't forget to wear gloves and hair nets." He looked at Ratigan. "Or in your case, BODY nets."

The villains got started serving food to the homeless people. "OK, this food actually looks better than the junk Chef makes for us," Hades commented as he and Ratigan stood next to each other. "What say we dip in a little?"

"That is an absolutely despicable idea," Ratigan replied. He grinned. "I LOVE it!" The two began to nibble on the food, until Chris caught them. "AHA! Tsk tsk, taking soup kitchen food from starving people," he playfully scolded them.

"Yeah, well WE'RE starving, too!" Ratigan shot back. "No one will touch that disgusting swill you feed us with a ten-foot pole!"

"Yeah, and you KNOW that stuff is bad when the RAT won't eat it!" Hades added.

"Do you WANT me to bite your hand off?" Ratigan asked.

"Oh shut up, you're a rat and you know you are!" Hades told him.

"Boys, boys, calm yourselves," Chris told them. "Seeing as you stole food AND you just complained, you're both out. Go join Gothel on the boat." The two villains glared at Chris, but walked off. "And then there were three. Excellent job, you guys!"

"Great, NOW are we done?" Facilier asked.

"Not quite. There's ONE more job I want you to do."

* * *

Chris took the remaining three to the animal shelter. "You guys are going to help animals."

* * *

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Ursula: This will be a breeze. I LOVE animals! In fact, I'm PART animal!

* * *

At first, the villains did OK helping the animals. However, things began to take a turn for the worst when an un-housebroken puppy piddled on Maleficent's robe.

"You stupid mutt!" Maleficent yelled. "This robe is brand new! Gah, I HATE THIS!"

"And Maleficent is outta here," Chris spoke up. "To the boat with you!"

* * *

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Maleficent: (trying to scrub her robe) Stupid puppy...Cruella had the right idea, trying to make those little monsters into a coat!

* * *

Soon after Maleficent's incident, a kitten bit Ursula's tentacle because it thought she smelled like a fish treat. "OW! You dumb cat! I have half a mind to bite YOU! STUPID VOLUNTEER WORK!"

"And we have our last remaining villain!" Chris announced. "Congratulations, Facilier! You win invincibility and today's prize...a new set of power tools!"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Chris met up with the other villains on the boat. "Normally, we'd be having this ceremony back at the Losers' Circle...but this time, we're having it to see who DOESN'T take the boat! One of you is staying here on the main land. Also, we're out of black licorice, so I have instead four marshmallows. Whoever doesn't get a marshmallow, you're staying behind." He picked up three marshmallows. "Ursula, Ratigan, Maleficent, you three are all safe." He tossed the marshmallows to the three villains. "Hades, you were the one who started the food-stealing campaign. Gothel, you were the first to start bitching...and over your hair and nails, too. OK, here goes. The final marshmallow goes to...Hades. Gothel, you'll be staying behind, so see ya!"

Gothel growled. "You know what, good riddance! I don't need this stupid show!" She started to walk off the boat, but was stopped by Mr. Smee.

"Ah ah ah, Miss Gothel," Smee told her. "There's only ONE way off of the Jolly Roger for a lovely landlubber like yourself." He pointed to the plank.

"Oh, I am NOT walking that plank!" Gothel refused.

"Too bad, seabitch, you lose, you walk," Hook told her. He pushed her to the plank, then once she was on, pushed her off.

"YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!" Gothel screamed as the boat sailed away. She got up and waded back to shore. "DAMMIT, I HATE BEING WET!"

"And so we're down to the final five," Chris told the camera. "What craziness can you expect? Tune in next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**And so we bid farewell to Mother Gothel...much like many of the villainesses, she's a case that I love her as a villain, but hate her as an awful bitch. Seems to be a common theme for these ladies!**

**I hope y'all enjoyed the little cameos of Owen, LeShawna and Izzy...I love those guys, they're my favorite characters from the show, mostly because Owen is a ton of fun (I know a lot of people think he's annoying, and yeah he kinda is, but still I love him so much!), LeShawna doesn't take crap from anybody, and Izzy is just plain insane (although she was pretty observant here, knowing that Mal's cold attitude to Ratti meant that she loves him!) If you want to see any more TDI cameos, just let me know!**

**Thanks for tuning in, folks!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	11. Minion Mayhem

**Heya, peeps! Hope you're ready for a brand new chapter of Disney Villain Island...because I sure am!**

**Today's challenge was suggested by Guest...thank you very much! Enjoy, _mis amigos_!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the remaining villains were brought to mainland Muskoka to do some volunteer work. Big time fun! Some of our old contestants acted as guides for our baddies on building a house...don't worry, I stayed away from them! In the end, it was Facilier who walked away with invincibility, and it was Gothel who walked away from the show. Who will win? Who will lose? Find out here, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

It was still dark out. The villains were asleep in their cabins. Suddenly, there was a loud pounding on the villains' cabin door. "Ugh, who are ya and whaddaya want?" Hades groaned.

"It's me, Chef Hatchet," the chef's voice called from the other side. "Hand over the rat and nobody gets hurt!"

"Call me a rat again and we'll see who gets hurt!" Ratigan shot back. But Hades and Facilier grabbed him and pushed him outside to face the angry chef, then quickly shut the door behind them. "Oh, thanks, guys!" the professor yelled at the door. "You're real pals!"

Chef Hatchet just grimaced and grabbed Ratigan by the ear, pulling him to the mess hall. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" He let go once they were inside the hall. "What is your problem?"

"My problem is you tellin' everyone watchin' the show that my food is disgusting swill and that no one will touch it with a ten-foot pole!" Chef replied.

Ratigan shrugged. "I was just stating the facts, my good man."

"You think YOU can cook better than me, Rat Boy?" Chef challenged.

"Oh ho ho, I KNOW I can cook better than you," Ratigan responded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fine. You're in charge of makin' breakfast. Let's see how good of a cook you REALLY are."

* * *

"Holy Hestia, this is the best breakfast I've ever had!" Hades commented.

It was later that morning. The villains had gathered for breakfast. Ratigan had prepared a whole buffet for his fellow bad guys, with every breakfast food imaginable.

"Everything is so perfect and delicious!" Maleficent gushed.

"I wish I had a bigger plate!" Ursula agreed.

"I wish I had a bigger stomach!" Facilier added.

Chef just stood there, dumbfounded. Ratigan chuckled at the chef. "Professor Ratigan: one, Chef Hatchet: zero."

Chris then went to the front of the hall. "Good morning, villains! First off, let's give a big round of applause to Ratigan for the awesome breakfast." The villains all applauded as Ratigan bowed. "Thank you, thank you, my friends."

"Wow, Chef Hatchet, getting beaten at your own game by a RODENT," Chris laughed. "That's gotta sting. Anywho, once you've all finished breakfast, meet at the ampitheater for today's challenge."

* * *

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Maleficent: (sighs) Brilliant, witty, sexy, AND knows how to cook. How is he NOT constantly flooded by women? (slaps herself) No! Stay focused on Operation: Rat on Ice!

* * *

The villains gathered in the ampitheater, where Chris was waiting for them. "Today's challenge consists of dealing with some folks that you all know well. Here today, we have...your henchmen!" A group of assorted creatures came onstage. Among them were a short, chubby older man, a peglegged bat, two eels, a fat pink imp and his skinny green partner, and a few goons in armor. "Your challenge is to spend the day with these guys. Whoever makes it the longest without trying to murder these guys wins invincibility."

"Pfft, is that all?" Hades asked. "I deal with those little imp schmucks all the time, and they're still kickin'."

"Oh, this is going to be slightly different," Chris responded. "See, you're not spending the day with YOUR henchman...you're spending the day with someone ELSE'S henchman!"

"Huh?" the villains asked.

"OK, here's the assignment for today," Chris went on, reading a list. "Maleficent, you get Flotsam and Jetsam. Ursula, you're with Fidget. Facilier, Pain and Panic. Ratigan gets Lawrence, and Hades, you pair with the Goons. Any questions? No? OK, go off." The villains went to pick up their henchman for the day and went their separate ways.

* * *

At one point, Ratigan and Lawrence were sitting together by the dock. Ratigan took out his cigarette holder, put in a fresh cigarette, lit it and started taking a few puffs. Lawrence kept quivering. After a while, Ratigan sighed. "All right, what's wrong with you? You've been shaking like that ever since Chris assigned us together."

"Y-You're a g-giant rat," Lawrence stammered. "I've never SEEN such a large rat before in my life!"

Ratigan glared at the man. "All right, Lawrence, let's get one thing straight; I am NOT a rat, I am a mouse, and if you ever call me a rat again I promise you that you will NOT like the consequences, do I make myself clear?"

"Y-Yes, sir," Lawrence replied.

* * *

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Ratigan: (rubbing his temples) Only fifteen minutes with that man and already I've got a migraine. Oh God, this day is going to hurt so much.

* * *

Meanwhile, Facilier was having a hard time trying not to strangle Pain and Panic. "Um, excuse me, Your Tallness, but what exactly do you need us to do?" Pain, the chubby pink imp, asked.

"Yeah, what?" Panic, the skinny green imp, asked.

"What I NEED is for you two to give me as much space as possible," Facilier responded. "Now get outta my sight!"

"But, Your Most Voodooness, we have to spend the day with you," Pain reminded him.

"Yeah, or you'll just end up getting eliminated," Panic added. Facilier just groaned.

* * *

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Facilier: (banging head against the wall)

* * *

In the lake, Ursula was swimming around as the bat watched her. "Come on in, Fidget, the water is fine!" the sea witch urged.

"Umm...no thanks, lady, I don't swim," Fidget replied.

"Oh come now, angelfish, just try it." Ursula wrapped a tentacle around the bat's waist and dragged him in. Once he was in, Fidget screamed at the top of his lungs and tried to flap his way out. "HEEEEELP!"

The others came running. "What's going on here?" Chris asked as Hades and Ratigan pulled Fidget out of the water.

"This crazy lady was tryin' to kill me!" Fidget claimed. "She was draggin' me into the water and tryin' to drown me!"

"I was not!" Ursula denied. "I was trying to get him to swim with me, seeing as we're supposed to be spending the day together."

"You imbecile!" Ratigan scolded her. "Fidget is afraid of water! He never goes swimming!"

"Yeah, but that didn't stop ya from throwin' me into the Thames," Fidget mumbled. A cold glare from the professor promptly shut him up.

"I didn't know that!" Ursula spoke up.

"Maybe not, but you're still out of the game, seeing as you almost killed your henchman for the day," Chris responded. "Sorry, Ursy."

* * *

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Ursula: (muttering) Damn bat...

* * *

"Can we help you shine your shoes?" Pain asked.

"No," Facilier responded.

"Can we help you straighten your hat?" Panic asked.

"No."

"Can we help you..." Pain began.

"Oh for God's sake, NO! Why do you need to be near me 24-7?"

"Because Hades gets REALLY unhappy when we're not there as soon as he calls for us," Panic explained.

"Yeah, well, I ain't Hades, so get lost!" Facilier told them. The imps looked ready to cry, but obeyed.

* * *

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Pain: That Facilier guy is just a big meanie!

Panic: Yeah, we were only trying to be good minions!

* * *

Over time, the villains began to become disgusting with their various minions. Hades was knocked out of the competition for attempting to strangle one of the goons, and Ratigan was eliminated for scratching Lawrence on the arm after he slipped up and called him a rat.

"Now all we have left are Maleficent with Flotsam and Jetsam..." Chris announced, pointing to the evil fairy petting one of the eels on the head.

* * *

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Maleficent: Those eels are SO much more competent than my usual goons. It's a nice change of pace.

* * *

"...and Facilier and..." Chris realized something. "Where are Pain and Panic?"

"Oh, I told them to take a hike," Facilier replied nonchalantly. "They were bugging me."

"Dude, you can't do that," Chris told him. "The challenge was to stay WITH the henchmen all day, not kick them to the curb once they start getting on your nerves."

"I don't care, those two little bozos can get themselves eaten by a bear for all I care," Facilier snorted. Suddenly, there was a loud roar. The imps ran towards them, screaming "Bear! Bear!" The villains all screamed as they saw a grizzly bear barreling towards them. Chef appeared out of nowhere and shot a tranquilizer dart into its shoulder, making it pass out.

"OK, and with that, Maleficent wins today's challenge!" Chris announced. "Not only does she win invincibility, she wins this handy book: 1001 Ways to Torment Your Minions!" The goons all gulped.

* * *

That night, the villains all gathered at the Losers' Circle. "Four villains...three pieces of black licorice. This doesn't add up. Whichever of you does not receive some licorice will be carted to the Dock of Shame to board the Boat of Losers. OK, here goes. The first piece of licorice of the night goes to...Hades." Chris gave the licorice to the god. "The next piece of licorice goes to...Ratigan." He handed the licorice to the professor. "And now, the moment of truth. The final piece of licorice for the evening goes to...Ursula."

"Say WHAT?" Facilier asked.

"Sorry, but by abandoning Pain and Panic, you not only got THEM nearly killed by a bear, you got ALL of us nearly killed by a bear," Chris replied. "Besides, Ursula's incident with Fidget WAS an accident."

"Thank you, that's what I've been trying to tell you!" Ursula spoke up.

Facilier rolled his eyes, but walked calmly to the Boat of Losers and got on. "And then there were four," Chris announced into the camera. "What fun awaits our remaining contestants? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**And now we've said goodbye to Dr. Facilier...I totes love the guy, but out of the five remaining villains I thought he'd be the one who would leave the island the calmest...the rest of them would probably try to kill and/or eat Chris, LOL! As for the henchmen, out of the ones used Flotsam and Jetsam probably ARE the most competent...I like the rest of them, too, but Lawrence is kind of a whiny little bastard and the goons, Fidget and the imps all seem to have the IQ's of a peanut butter sandwich...but out of them Pain and Panic are probably the dumbest. Like I said, I like all the henchmen used, but the eels probably have the most brains out of them all.**

**I bet none of you knew that Ratigan could cook, heh heh. Actually, that was a shout-out to his voice actor Vincent Price...not only was he an amazing actor, he also had fine taste in food and art...maybe next time I should show the villains in an art museum and have Ratti spout out something about cubism, LOL!**

**Thanks for reading, my friends! Hope to see you soon for the next chapter!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	12. A Mary Named Sue

**Hello, my peeps! What's up? Ready for a new challenge? Because here it is!**

**Today's challenge was an idea sent in by FairyTales And Pixie Dust...thanks, sweetie! Everyone enjoy!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the villains had to spend the day with their companions' henchmen. It was too awesome! Not knowing that bats can't swim, Ursula accidentally almost drowned Fidget...poor little guy. Facilier told off Pain and Panic and made them get away from him, leading them to get into trouble with a bear and lure it back here. As a result, the Shadow Man got the boot. Meanwhile, Ratigan turned heads rather than stomachs when he proved to be a better chef than our own Chef Hatchet...not that that's a big challenge. What will go on for our baddies next? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

"...and so then you stir in the pieces of butter one by one until they melt into the mixture."

It was still dark out. Chef Hatchet had dragged Ratigan back into the mess hall to ask him how he made such excellent dishes. At this moment, the professor was explaining how to make hollandaise sauce for eggs benedict as Chef wrote the recipe down.

"Once you've taken the sauce off of the stove, you add your seasonings...I personally recommend a dash of paprika. Does this help at all, my friend?"

"You bet," Chef replied. "I'm tired of people sayin' my hollandaise sauce tastes like tile grout. Now how do you make your scrambled eggs so light and fluffy? Mine always come out too watery."

* * *

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Chef: I still can't believe that rat knows how to cook better than me...maybe I should consider a career change. My pop did always want me to be a lawyer.

* * *

The remaining four villains gathered in the mess hall for breakfast. As they ate, Chris went up to the front of the hall. "Good morning, villains! I bet you're all itching to know what today's challenge is!"

"I hope you don't have money ridin' on that bet," Hades snickered. That got the others laughing.

Chris glared at the god. "Ha ha ha. Anyway, today's challenge is similar to the last challenge, but with a twist. Have any of you ever heard of a Mary Sue before?"

"Oh God, no!" Maleficent gasped.

"That's right, your challenge is to spend the day with a Mary Sue from your fandom," Chris replied. "For those of you who don't know, a Mary Sue is a nauseatingly flawless female character who is beloved by all the characters the author likes, despised by the ones the author doesn't like, and is essentially an author avatar with a messiah complex. And so meet your Mary Sues! First up, from the Sleeping Beauty fandom, we have Princess Aurora's cousin, Princess Eleanora Meredith Pachabella DeLovely Ferrero Rocher Nestle the Fourth." A lovely young woman with golden hair and dark green eyes, wearing a lavender and pink dress and a golden crown, came into the hall.

"Oh, Maleficent, darling, it's so wonderful to meet you!" Lady Eleanora greeted the evil fairy. "I can tell you and I are going to be the best of friends!" She hugged Maleficent, who looked like she was about to puke.

"Next up, from The Little Mermaid; Prince Eric's sister, Princess Brianna Erica Nerissa Lyndana Oleander Indigo!" A girl with jet black hair and pale blue eyes, wearing a sea green gown and a silver crown, ran in and hugged Ursula.

"Our next Mary Sue is from The Great Mouse Detective; Lady Christiana Louisa Vendetta Raphaela Tannenbaum Wednesday June July Willmingham!" In strolled a tawny mouse with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes, wearing a bubble gum pink dress.

"Hello, Professor!" Christiana greeted Ratigan as she ran up to him. "Isn't this going to be a splendid day?"

"For YOU, perhaps," Ratigan mumbled under his breath.

"And last but not least, from the Hercules fandom; the Queen of Thebes, Queen Penelope Hestia Harmonia Lydia Cassanovia Equus Oedipus Rex!" An olive-skinned woman with dark brown hair and eyes, wearing a white toga and lots of gold jewelry, ran in and hugged Hades, who made a gagging sound.

"The first contestant to try to kill their Mary Sue will be immediately eliminated and kicked off the island," Chris explained. "Do not pass Go. Do not go to Losers' Circle. Do not collect licorice. That's it, you're gone. OK, try to have fun!"

* * *

And so the villains went off with their Sues. At one point, Ratigan and Christiana were sitting by the dock. "Isn't the water so beautiful?" Christiana asked. "I just want to sing!" She started singing a song about how beautiful and blue water is.

Ratigan rolled his eyes, took out his cigarette holder and put in a fresh cigarette, then lit it. "Oh no!" Christiana cried out. "You mustn't smoke! Do you have any IDEA how many horrible chemicals are in cigarette smoke?" She began to sing a song about the chemicals found in cigarette smoke.

* * *

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Ratigan: (rubbing his temples) Do me a favor and somebody slip me an arsenic pill.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hades was in the mess hall with Queen Penelope, who had just cooked a gigantic Greek banquet. "Whoa! You COOK? I thought queens had people to cook for them!"

"A perfect queen must know how to do EVERYTHING," Penelope responded. "Care for some fresh-pressed wine?" She tried to pour a goblet of wine, but ended up spilling it on the god's chiton. "Oops. Silly me, I'm so clumsy!" Hades gritted his teeth, but kept his cool.

* * *

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Hades: Oy, shoot me. Just do me a favor and shoot me.

* * *

"So, do you like to swim, Princess?" Ursula asked Brianna as they went to the lake.

"Oh I LOVE to swim!" Brianna replied. "I'm actually a world class swimmer! They say not even King Triton himself can swim as well as me! And I have so many friends that live in the water. In fact, over there's my friend Sammy the Sea Gull!" She waved to a sea gull on a buoy that had a plastic soda can ring around its neck. "Hello, Sammy! How are you, my friend?" The gull squawked in response. "Poor thing, got his neck caught in that plastic ring after trying to eat in a dump...never was the brightest of birds."

* * *

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Ursula: She's actually not so bad...if she could just shut up every once in a while. Darned Mary Sues!

* * *

"...and then when I was seven, my nanny taught me how to sew tapestries," Eleanora was telling the incredibly annoyed Maleficent. "They were the most beautiful tapestries you've ever seen. I actually sewed one of the tapestries in my parents' banquet hall. It's so beautiful, all gold and silver thread depicting my dear cousin Aurora as a baby on the day of her christening...she was such a beautiful baby, but not as pretty as me! You know, I could probably sew you a tapestry for your castle if you'd like. What color threads do you like? I'm guessing you like a lot of black and purple, and maybe some green. I don't usually work with such a depressing color as black, but I'll bet I could make it work for you."

* * *

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Maleficent: Once this challenge is over, that woman is DEAD.

* * *

"...and that's why moss grows on trees," Christiana was finishing singing another song as she and Ratigan were taking a walk through the woods.

"Miss Willmingham, just out of curiosity, does EVERYTHING make you break out in song?" Ratigan asked.

"Oh, that reminds me of another little song," Christiana responded. She began to sing again as the professor facepalmed himself.

* * *

"Now who wants more baklava?" Penelope offered.

"Oh, no thanks, Penny, babe, I'm stuffed as it is," Hades responded. He patted his stomach, which had grown considerably rounder since Penelope started feeding him.

"Come now, Hades Wades, you need to eat more, you look thin as a rail," Penelope told him, pinching his cheek.

"Well, if you insist..." Hades scarfed down the entire plate of baklava.

Penelope smiled. "It's always nice to see a man with a healthy appetite."

* * *

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Hades: (burps) This Penelope chick ain't so bad...I guess not ALL Mary Sues are so annoying.

* * *

"I'll race you to that buoy over there and back to the dock, Ursy!" Brianna told Ursula as they swam in the lake.

Ursula grinned. "You're on, sweet cakes!" With that, the two started swimming as fast as they could. However, by the time Ursula was at the buoy, Brianna was already back at the dock. "Good race, Ursy!"

"She really IS the best swimmer I've ever seen," Ursula told herself. She frowned. "I hate her."

* * *

"...and so then, on my fifteenth birthday, I learned how to play the harpsichord," Eleanora was telling Maleficent. "People from all over the country would come by our castle to see me play. It was wonderful! One Christmas my sister and I performed for the orphans; my sister plays the harp, and so we..."

"Oh for God's sake, SHUT UP!" Maleficent burst out. "Shut up shut up SHUT UUUUUUUP! Do you have any idea how ANNOYING you are?!"

Eleanora giggled. "Thank you, Maleficent. I practice being annoying a little bit every day, and practice makes perfect, they say. You know, I'll bet you're so sad all the time because you're too afraid to talk to that nice Professor Ratigan that you're in love with..."

Maleficent glared at the woman. "How do you know about that?"

"Oh my dear, it's written all over your face," Eleanora replied. "Today at breakfast, he asked you to pass him the salt, and you pretended that you didn't hear him, but really you were trying to play cold so he wouldn't know how you really felt about him because you're so insecure about yourself that you're afraid that he'd reject you if you told him how you feel."

* * *

"OK, villains, meet at the ampitheater with your Sues," Chris announced on the loudspeaker. The villains made their way to the ampitheater. Ratigan and Christiana sat next to Penelope and Hades, who had grown so fat that he nearly had to be rolled to the ampitheater. Ratigan chuckled. "Have a good day?"

"Shut up, YOU try not eatin' her food, it's better than ambrosia," Hades replied. "Anyway, how was YOUR day with Miss Sing-Song over there?"

"It became more bearable, thanks to these," Ratigan replied, pulling earplugs out of his ears.

"Ooh, clever."

"Well, it looks like everyone faired pretty well with their Sues," Chris looked over the crowd. He snickered when he saw Hades. "Some better than others..."

"You're lucky you've got this collar on me, or I'd incinerate your butt!" Hades yelled at the host.

Just then, Chris noticed something. "Hey, where's Maleficent?" As if on cue, the Mistress of All Evil came to the ampitheater. "Where's your Sue?"

"There's been a terrible accident," Maleficent replied. She held up Eleanora's severed head and grinned evilly. "Inflicted by yours truly."

"Yeesh," Hades reacted. Penelope fainted. Christiana started to cry. Brianna leaned over and threw up. Ratigan and Ursula both gave Maleficent a thumbs-up.

"Oooooooookaaaaaay," Chris responded, more than a bit put off. "I think it's safe to say that Maleficent has been eliminated. So bye-bye."

"Ugh, thank God," Maleficent sighed. "I can't stand this stupid camp anymore."

* * *

That evening, Maleficent made her way down the Dock of Shame as the other villains watched her. "Tell him!" she heard a voice. Everyone turned to the direction of the voice and gasped to see Eleanora running up to her, her head back on.

"B-But I thought I killed you!" Maleficent stammered.

"It was merely a flesh wound," Eleanora replied cheerfully. "I get my head cut off all the time, it doesn't even hurt anymore."

"OK, NOW I'm scared," Hades commented quietly.

"You and me both, my friend," Ratigan agreed.

"But that's not important," Eleanora went on. "What IS important is, you have to tell him about how you really feel now, or it'll be too late!"

"Him? Who's him?" Ursula asked.

Maleficent sucked in her breath and turned to face her fellow villains. "She's right, I should say this before I go...Ratigan, I want you to know that I meant everything I wrote in that note."

Ratigan gaped at the fairy as he walked up to her. "You mean...YOU'RE my secret admirer?"

"Yes," Maleficent replied. "I know I acted like a bitch to you, but that's just because I didn't want you to know my true feelings. I was afraid that you wouldn't like me or want to be with me. But now that I'm leaving, I realize that I shouldn't be afraid to say what I really think about you, because who knows if we'll even ever see each other again, and..."

Ratigan pressed his lips against hers, promptly shutting her up. "You talk too much, you know that, right?" Maleficent smiled and the two began making out passionately. The Sues all went "Awwwwww!" at the same time.

"Oy, I think I'm gonna hurl," Hades groaned.

"OK, OK, you two, break it up, Maleficent's got a boat to catch," Chris intervened in the villains' kissing. "Time to quit before coitus ensues."

Maleficent got onto the boat. As it pulled away, she waved and called out "I LOVE YOOOOOU!" to the rodent professor. Ratigan waved back at her.

"Wow, that was quite a day," Chris told the camera. "Will Ratigan and Maleficent be able to make it work? Will Hades lose his extra weight? Will those damn Sues ever die? Find out next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**Oh God, this is the one I've REALLY been dreading...the chapter where I kick off Maleficent. (double locks her fanstorm cellar) I love her, don't get me wrong, but honestly I think she's a bit overrated...Mal, you really need to get your face off the Disney villain merchandise once in a while and give someone else some merch time, like maybe say oh I don't know RATIGAN!**

**I really hope the Mary Sues came off as being as annoying and sickeningly sweet as I had hoped they would...especially Eleanora. I wanted to make her extra annoying because out of the four movies here used, Sleeping Beauty is definitely my least favorite...it's a wonderful movie, but I just don't like it as much as I do The Great Mouse Detective, The Little Mermaid or Hercules.**

**OK, I don't know if the fat Hades joke was offensive or not...I just know that I myself am rather on the plump side, and I'm not offended. It was just meant to be a funny joke based on the whole "the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach" philosophy, hence why he got along so well with Penelope. **

**Aww, Maleficent and Ratigan finally hooked up...let's hope Mal gets her shots! Nah, I tease, Ratti don't have any diseases!**

**Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you again soon!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	13. Angry Bads

**Hi, everybody! Well, here you go, the next chapter of Disney Villain Island!**

**This chapter's challenge was provided by FairyTales And Pixie Dust..._merci beaucoup_! Enjoy, everybody! **

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the remaining villains had to spend the day with a Mary Sue from their movie's fandom WITHOUT killing said Sues! Hades had an especially good time with his Sue after it was discovered that she can cook better than anyone else. I guess the quickest way to a god's heart really IS through his stomach, heh heh! In the end, Maleficent was the one who got eliminated after she offed her Sue, but not before she confessed her crush on Ratigan and the two went to first base on the Dock of Shame...apparently beastiality is a-OK for bad guys. What sorts of craziness will go down for our final three? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

The villains were getting ready for the day. Hades was still extremely chubby from his experience with Penelope and thus was having a hard time cinching his chiton. "C'mon, c'mon ya stupid piece of junk!" Finally he cinched it...only for it to split on him. "Aww, c'mon!" Ratigan snickered to himself. "And what, may I ask, is so darn funny?"

"Oh nothing," Ratigan replied, a big grin on his face. "I was just thinking that if you grew a mustache, you'd be a dead ringer for Basil's doctor friend."

Hades rolled his eyes. "Y'know, I may be plump, but I'm still a fear-inducing god! I'm not afraid to throw my weight around!"

Ratigan smirked. "Well, why not? You certainly have enough weight to throw around!" The professor burst out laughing, falling to the floor and clutching his stomach.

"Oh hardy har har, you're a regular Jerry Seinfeld," Hades replied sarcastically.

* * *

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Hades: Ever since I put on the pounds, Ratigan's been firing off the fat jokes like bullets, and I'm gettin' sick of them. I mean, really I've only put on a few pounds (chair underneath him smashes, falls to floor) OK, maybe MORE than a few pounds...

Ratigan: Maybe I SHOULD lay off the fat jokes around Hades...and maybe HE should lay off the desserts for a while! (laughs)

* * *

"OK, villains, meet in the mess hall for breakfast," Chris announced on the loudspeaker. "Except for Hades, I think he could stand to skip a few meals." The host laughed on the speaker.

* * *

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Hades: Oy, I'm on an island of comedians!

* * *

The villains met in the mess hall. As he sat down, the bench underneath Hades broke, making him fall to the floor. "Ow. They REALLY don't make benches like they used to."

"And metal chairs, and rocks, and steel girders..." Ratigan teased.

"Hey, unless you WANT to be Cerberus chow, I'd suggest you shut up," Hades told him as he got up off the floor.

"Oh, don't worry, Hades darling, you'll learn to live with the extra weight," Ursula assured him, patting her own jelly-like belly. "Just don't expect for find any designer chitons in your size."

Chris went up to the front of the hall. "Good morning, villains! Hope you're ready for today's challenge!" The villains glared at him. "Excellent! Now, before we begin, I have good news...today's challenge is purely for prizes. No one's getting eliminated today! Good thing too, because if anyone tried to vote off Hades, he'd probably try to eat them." That got everyone laughing, except for the god, who just flipped the bird to the host. "Whoa, easy with the fingers, Hades, this is family programming, remember? Anyway, today's challenge is simple...just don't lose your cool. No matter what happens today, you can't get mad at all. The last villain standing wins a weekend getaway to a five-star spa!"

* * *

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Ursula: Oh I've always wanted to go to a spa...facials, massages, just getting pampered all day. It's every woman's dream come true!

* * *

"OK, the challenge starts...NOW!" Chris announced. The villains went off in their separate ways. Chris then turned to Chef. "Ten bucks says that Hades is gonna be the first to blow his stack."

"Nah, have you SEEN Ratigan? Just say the WORD "rat" around him and he loses it," Chef replied. "He's the one who's gonna freak out first."

"You, sir, have a bet," Chris responded, shaking the chef's hand.

* * *

For a while, the villains did a pretty good job of keeping their cool, because they stayed away from each other. Then, Hades was in the bathroom, but then got stuck in the stall. Ratigan came in and smirked. "Need some help, Chubby?"

"Bite me," Hades replied.

"I would, but right now you're all fat and no meat." Ratigan chuckled.

"Oh, yeah? Well two can play at that game, Rat Boy," Hades retorted.

Ratigan narrowed his eyes. "Oh, it is ON!"

"Bring it, Ratti!" And so the two villains started a hurricane of bad puns aimed at each other:

"I'll bet the last time you saw _90210_, it was on a bathroom scale."

"Your face is so ugly, you'd make an onion cry."

"You know, you really should consider changing your name to Hugh...Hugh Jass, that is."

"You smell so bad, you'd make Pepe le Pew run away."

"You're so fat, if you ever went outside in a yellow chiton people would think you're a taxi."

"You're so ugly, I bet when you were born the doctor looked at you and slapped your ma."

* * *

As the battle went on, Ursula was taking a swim in the lake. As she finished, her stomach began to rumble. "Didn't realize how hungry I was...better go get a snack." She went over to the mess hall and snuck into the pantry. "Let's see what we've got for potato chips. Barbecue...salt and vinegar...sour cream and onion...dill pickle? DISGUSTING! What, no cheddar cheese? Are you SERIOUS? In this whole stupid pantry, there's not one bag of cheddar cheese potato chips? What kind of (bleep)ing island is this that they don't have cheddar cheese potato chips?"

"AHA!" Chris caught her. "Sneaking into the pantry, Ursula? For shame. Not to mention you got mad over chips. That's pretty sad."

* * *

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Ursula: NEVER mess with a lady and her chips.

Chris: Well, I guess that means both Chef and I lost...it's always the ones you don't expect to lose it that do.

* * *

Meanwhile, the one-liner fight had been going on for an hour, but rather than becoming angry, both Ratigan and Hades were getting tired.

"You're so fat, you tried to eat the book Who Moved My Cheese?."

"The only reason you don't have fleas is because they'd die of food poisoning."

"You're so fat, you make Jabba the Hutt look like a Victoria's Secret model."

"You're so ugly, you...you..." Hades sighed. "Y'know what, Ratti, I'm getting sick of this."

"So am I, to be perfectly honest," Ratigan admitted. "You're my best friend, and I don't want to hurt you just to win a silly trip to a spa...I hear they're highly overrated, anyway."

"Yeah."

"For what it's worth, I'm EXTREMELY sorry for all the fat jokes I've been piling on you recently," Ratigan told the god.

"And I'm sorry for the ugly jokes," Hades added. "You're actually quite the looker for a ra...er, big mouse."

Ratigan smiled. "So are we pals again?"

"Yeah, we're pals again," Hades answered. The two shook hands. "So, uh, you mind helpin' me outta this meschuge stall?"

"Oh, of course." Ratigan grabbed the god's arms and pulled. "Try sucking in your gut." Hades obeyed, and once he did he went flying out of the stall, knocking Ratigan down and landing face first into a sink. "Oh my Lord...Hades, are you all right?"

Hades responded by screaming "NO I AM NOT ALL RIGHT! I JUST SMASHED MY FACE INTO A SINK! DO YOU HAVE ANY (BLEEP)ING IDEA HOW HARD A (BLEEP)ING SINK IS?! I'M LUCKY I DIDN'T KNOCK OUT A (BLEEP)ING TOOTH!"

Just then, Chris appeared. "And with that, Hades is out of the game, too! Congratulations, Ratigan, you win the spa weekend!"

"I...I do?"

Hades smiled as he patted the professor on the shoulder. "Hey, congrats, buddy."

Ratigan smiled. "Thank you...Tubby." That comment earned him a noogie from Hades.

* * *

Later than evening, Ratigan got on a yacht to the spa. "And so our favorite rodent professor is off for a weekend of relaxation...and Hades and Ursula are off for a weekend of ridicule. What will go on next? Find out here, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**And so we say goodbye to...nobody. Huh. I have nothing to say here, so I'll just move on.**

**(facepalms) Oh God, I did it. I had Hades and Ratigan get into what was essentially a "Yo Mama" joke battle. I don't know what that says about me, because I usually don't like insult comedy...but I'm sure Hades and Ratti would both get a kick out of it.**

**Is it extremely stupid/insulting of me to have Ursula get ticked because they don't have her favorite potato chip flavor? Probably, but you'd be surprised how many people I've seen freak out over something as simple as the ice cream parlor being out of their favorite flavor...calm the buck down, people, and just order another flavor!**

**Thanks again for reading! I'll see you soon for the next chapter!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	14. Holding Out for a Heroor Not

**Hey-a, _mes amies_! Well, here we go, the next chapter of _Disney Villain Island_! **

**Today's challenge was thought up by D. Minx...thanks a bunch, hun! Enjoy, amigos!**

Last time, on Disney Villain Island...the final three were given the task to not get angry for a day, for the big prize of a spa weekend. Hades and Ratigan got into an insult comedy battle to rattle each other's nerves, but the power of friendship won over them. Ursula was the first one to lose it...over chip flavors, none the less. Kinda lame. Ultimately, Ratigan kept his cool the longest...kinda shocking...and won the prize. What strange things wait for our contestants today? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!

* * *

It was Sunday afternoon. Ursula was swimming in the lake as usual. Hades was doing sit-ups on the dock. The god had lost most of his excess weight, but still had a rather significant pot belly that he was trying to work off.

"...forty-eight...forty-nine...fifty!" Hades gasped as he lay back down. "I'd say that's a pretty good start, eh, Ursy?"

"Oh you're doing FABULOUS, darling," Ursula agreed.

Just then, a yacht pulled up to the dock. Ratigan got off, looking more rested and content than ever. "Hey, Ratti!" Hades greeted his friend. "Great to have ya back, buddy! You're lookin' relaxed."

Ratigan smiled. "I FEEL relaxed. That was the most calming weekend I've ever had in my life." He noticed that the god was slimmer. "Say, you look pretty good yourself."

"Thanks. I've been workin' my butt off since you left."

"Well you're certainly seeing results." The professor smiled down at Ursula in the water. "Hello, Ursula. Oh, before I forget, I brought you something." He reached into his bag and pulled out a Ziploc bag full of fresh shrimp. "I know how much you like shrimp, and the spa had the best I've ever tasted, so they let me bring some back." He tossed the bag to the sea witch, who gladly accepted it. "Thank you, Ratigan dear. That was very kind of you."

* * *

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Ratigan: KIND? Oh God, I think that weekend of relaxation has numbed my brain. Villains aren't supposed to be KIND!

Ursula: (munching the shrimp) I can see why Maleficent is in love with that guy...these are the best shrimp I've ever had in my life!

* * *

Chris came up to the group of villains. "Welcome back to Camp Wawanakwa, Ratigan! Hope you enjoyed your weekend."

"Oh, I did, thank you," Ratigan responded, still in relaxed mode.

"Good, because you're just in time for our next challenge!" Chris told him.

"Oh, joy," the rodent responded sarcastically.

"Your challenge is...performing heroics!" Chris explained. "You each will be given a task from your movie that was performed by the hero, showing their valor and courage. Whoever takes the longest to finish their heroic deed is instantly eliminated from the competition. First up, Ursula!"

"Me? Why me?" Ursula asked.

"Ladies first," Chris smirked.

* * *

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Ursula: I don't know whether that's more chivalric...or more sexist.

* * *

So the villains moved to another part of the lake, where a giant shipwreck scene had been set up. "What we have here is the scene from The Little Mermaid where Ariel rescues Prince Eric from drowning after his ship sinks in the storm," Chris explained. "Your task is to swim through the debris, WITHOUT any of it dropping on you, and bring Princey over there to shore." He pointed to a piece of lumber floating in the lake that Chef was clinging to, dressed as Prince Eric. "Your time starts...NOW!"

Immediately Ursula dove into the lake and swam for the shipwreck. A machine was throwing pieces of the ship at her, but she dodged them. Within seconds, she'd reached Chef, grabbed him, and swam him back to shore.

Chris, Hades and Ratigan all gaped in silence at the sea witch's speed. "Whoa, fourteen seconds!" Chris noted. "That's incredible!"

"Whoa, Ursy, I didn't know you were THAT fast a swimmer!" Hades commented.

"Usually I'm not, but when it matters, I go for it," Ursula explained.

"OK, well...next up, Hades."

* * *

The villains moved to the woods. "Here we have the scene from Hercules where Herc fights off the Hydra," Chris explained. "Your job is to defeat the mythical beast. And...GO!"

Hades looked around. "Go what? There's no Hydra here!" Just then, a gigantic mechanical Hydra, piloted by Chef, appeared. "Oh crap..." The god went to work trying to dodge the Hydra's claws, but the extra weight he was carrying was making it harder to move very quickly. Finally, he leapt onto the Hydra and tried to slice its head off, forgetting that Hydras grow two more heads in its stead. Soon, he was facing the same dilemma Hercules had in that the heads were too numerous to count. He dodged the Hydra's teeth, then finally stabbed it in the back, making it spark and explode, shooting Chef out of one of the mouths and into a nearby tree. "And that's how you beat a Hydra!"

Chris looked at his stopwatch. "Yeah, in two minutes and thirty-six seconds...not too impressive."

"Hey, YOU try fighting a giant monster when you've put on some extra pounds," Hades replied, patting his large gut.

"Right. OK, Ratigan, you're next." No response. "Ratigan?" He turned to see the professor curled up in a ball on the ground, napping. "Wow, I think that weekend of relaxation has OVER-relaxed him." He took an airhorn out of his pocket and blasted it in Ratigan's ear, making him jolt awake.

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" the professor yelled, clutching his chest. "Oh dear Lord, you almost gave me a heart attack!" He glared up at the host. "What is your PROBLEM, McLean?"

"My PROBLEM is, it's your turn to do your heroic deed," Chris responded.

"Mmm, no thank you, I'll do it tomorrow," Ratigan brushed it off, curling back up.

"Too bad, you're doing it NOW," Chris replied, grabbing the professor by the tail and dragging him off.

* * *

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Hades: Poor Ratti...in that messed-up relaxed state, he'll NEVER make it!

Ratigan: (slumped over, snoring)

* * *

Chris dragged Ratigan to the ampitheater, where giant clock gears had been set up. "Here we have the scene from The Great Mouse Detective, where Basil saves little Olivia from being crushed between Big Ben's gears and brings her to her father. Your deed is to save Olivia there..." He pointed to Chef, who was sitting on a giant gear dressed as Olivia. "...and bring her to that airship over there, without getting caught in any of the gears yourself. OK, and...BEGIN!"

Ratigan was still in a dreamy state and remained so for a few seconds. After a bit, Hades yelled "Hey, Ratti, get your rodent rear in gear and move!" That broke the fog, so Ratigan ran through the moving gears, trying not to get caught, and grabbed Chef just as he was about to be smashed between the two gears. Carrying the hefty chef, the professor then climbed up a chain to the airship, but unfortunately dropped Chef, who grabbed back onto the chain. "Oh of COURSE," Ratigan growled, climbing back down and grabbing Chef. He shimmied back up the chain and threw Chef onto the airship.

"TIME!" Chris yelled, stopping the stopwatch.

"Well, how did I do?" Ratigan asked.

Chris looked at the watch. "Well, you DID have that dazey start, and you DID drop Chef and have to go back to pick him up..."

"Just tell me how I did!" Ratigan demanded.

"Two minutes, thirty..." Chris began, making the nervous rat shake. "...FIVE seconds. By one second, you beat Hades." Ratigan let out a sigh of relief. "Unfortunately..." Chris turned to the god. "...that means that Hades has the slowest heroics time, so that means that HE is the one leaving us today."

"WHAT?" Ratigan protested. He marched up to Chris. "You can't get rid of Hades! The only reason he was so slow was his weight! If he had been in a normal state, he would've CREAMED that Hydra in ten seconds flat!"

"Ratti, Ratti, it's OK," Hades reassured his best friend. "I'm pretty tickled that I made it this far. But make me a promise...kick butt for me, OK, buddy?"

"Oh, that would be my pleasure," Ratigan responded. "No offense, Ursula."

"None taken, dearie," Ursula answered. "Seeing as I will be the one kicking YOUR butt." Ratigan glared at her.

* * *

That evening, as night fell, Hades walked down the Dock of Shame and boarded the Boat of Losers. The boat sank a little under his weight. "Oy, I just can't win, can I?"

"And so we're down to the final two...Ratigan and Ursula!" Chris announced. "Who will win all the marbles? Find out next time, on the grand finale of DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

**Oh boy, I feel really, really, REALLY bad about kicking Hades off, because I really, really, REALLY like him. But I wanted to keep the TDI tradition and have the final two be one male, one female, and I had already made a promise that Ratigan would be in the final two, and DiscordantPrincess does NOT break her promises...besides, Hades took losing like a pro, if Ratti got kicked off he'd probably maul Chris and/or Chef LOL! **

**And so we've reached the final two...seems like a good place to break this story before winter break. I'll be setting up a poll on my profile page in a few minutes, so you guys can vote who you want to win Disney Villain Island; Ratigan or Ursula. Voting closes January 13th, the day I'll be getting back to school from break. Vote for your fave if you want to see him/her win, and have a happy holiday season!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	15. Ratigan vs Ursula: DVI Grand Finale

**Helloooooooooo, FanFiction Nurses! Did ya miss me while I was gone? I sure missed you all!**

**Well, here we are, the final chapter of Disney Villain Island! Who will win it all? Gotta read on to find out!**

"Welcome to the season finale of Disney Villain Island! We've seen a lot of great baddies come and go here, and now we're down to the final two. Who will win the title of Ultimate Disney Villain...the brilliant, species-confused Professor Ratigan, or the large and lovely sea witch Ursula? Find out now, on the grand finale of DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

* * *

The sun was shining on Camp Wawanakwa. Chris stood on the stage of the ampitheater along with Ratigan and Ursula. "Congratulations, you two. You have beat out your twelve competitors to make it to the grand finale. Now, the only thing standing between you and the title of Ultimate Disney Villain is each other. And here to cheer you on are the losers of Disney Villain Island." He pointed to the seats, where the twelve villains sat, prepared to cheer their comrades on.

"C'mon, Ratti, kick her octopus butt!" Hades whooped.

"Yeah Ursula, show that rat who's boss!" Gothel hollered.

"Go Ratigan!" Maleficent cheered, earning her a few glares from the other villainesses. "I'm in LOVE with him, remember? Of course I'm going to cheer for him!"

* * *

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Gothel: (shaking her head) Ever since she admitted that she has a thing for Ratigan, Maleficent has become just a shell of her former Mistress of All Evil self. Boyfriends may come and go, but villainy is forever!

* * *

"OK, now, the final challenge of the season is a three-parter," Chris announced. "Whoever wins two out of three wins the challenge and the grand prize. Meet in the mess hall in fifteen minutes for the first part."

* * *

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Cruella: Don't think I've forgotten how Ratigan soiled my new coat early on during the crying challenge. Mark my words, rat, you WILL pay soon!

* * *

The villains met in the mess hall fifteen minutes later. Ratigan and Ursula sat next to each other at the head table, with the other villains sitting in the background watching. Chris went up to the front near the head table. "The first part of your challenge is a fairly standard old-fashioned challenge...a pie eating contest!" He whistled, and Chef began wheeling out a large stack of pies and set some in front of each villain. "The rules are simple...each of you has fifty pies in front of them. You can't use anything to eat the pies other than your hands and your mouths, so that means no tentacles, OK, Ursula?"

"Of course, darling," the sea witch replied.

"Great. The first one to eat all fifty pies without puking wins the first leg of the challenge. And...BEGIN!" With that, the two villains began eating, and their companions began cheering them on.

At first, the two were neck and neck, staying on course with the other, finishing pies at the same time. However, after the twentieth or so pie, Ratigan began to slow down, but Ursula stayed at her same tempo. Finally, the rodent professor collapsed and the sea witch finished her last pie.

"And with that, Ursula wins the first part of the challenge!" Chris announced. The villainesses (minus Maleficent) all cheered at their girlfriend's victory. Chris smirked and went up to Ratigan, who was lying forward with his head pressed against the table, moaning. "Don't feel bad, bro, you ate, like, thirty-five pies. That's pretty good. Next part of the challenge will take place in half an hour at the ampitheater."

Ursula looked over at the unfinished stack of pies. "Are you going to eat those?" she asked. Ratigan responded by falling over onto the floor.

* * *

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Ratigan: (clutching his belly) Oh, my stomach...I never want to see another pie again as long as I live.

Ursula: (eating the remaining pies) Hmmm, could use some ice cream...

* * *

Everyone gathered at the ampitheater thirty minutes later, the competitors standing onstage with Chris and the spectators sitting in the audience. Each competitor stood in front of a table that had twelve cards on it, each one with a picture of a past contestant on it.

"You see before you the pictures of your twelve fellow villains," Chris explained. "Your task is to put the cards in correct order of elimination this season. No one in the audience can help. The first one to correctly put them in order wins. And may I remind you, Ratigan, that if Ursula wins this, she's the automatic grand winner. And...BEGIN!"

The competitors began sorting the cards by who was eliminated when. Ursula was trying to figure it out. "OK, OK...I'm pretty sure Frollo was eliminated fifth...or was it Scar? No, no, Scar was the one who was afraid of hyenas...or was Tremaine afraid of hyenas? No, Tremaine was eliminated during the vomiting challenge...or was that Gothel? ARGH!"

After a bit, Ratigan had all of his cards in the correct order, and Ursula was still trying to figure out which of her fellow villains was voted off during the fear challenge. "And Ratigan wins the second part of the challenge!" Chris announced. The male villains (and Maleficent) cheered. "The game is now tied, with one victory apiece. The last part of the challenge will take place in an hour, so get ready!"

* * *

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Maleficent: (sighing) Oh, Ratigan, so intelligent, so keen...so PERFECT!

Hades: Y'know, I'm glad that Ratti's doin' so well, but...lovey-dovey Mal is startin' to freak me out. I mean, YEESH, I think she's scarier than she was as a dragon!

* * *

An hour later, the villains met near a mud pit. "What the deuce are we doing here?" Ratigan asked.

"I'm glad you asked," McLean replied. "A good villain shouldn't be afraid to get down and dirty, and what's dirtier than mud wrestling?"

The villains all looked at each other, then burst out laughing. "You're joking, right?" Grimhilde asked. Chris shook his head.

"You mean to tell us that the final battle to see whether Ratigan or Ursula wins is something as juvenile as MUD WRESTLING?" Jafar scoffed.

"How disgustingly uncivilized!" Tremaine commented.

"No one mud wrestles like Gaston!" Gaston spoke up.

"Great, now let's see if no one can shut their yap like Gaston," Hades shot back. The young hunter glared at the god, but became quiet.

"Excuse me, Chris, but as a gentlemouse I was always taught that fighting ladies was unchivalrous," Ratigan spoke up.

"What's the matter, Ratti? Afraid to lose to a woman?" Ursula taunted.

Ratigan shot the sea witch a cold, golden-eyed look. "You know what, screw chivalry. You're going DOWN, sea bitch!"

The two competitors started to ease their way into the mud puddle. As they did, Cruella got behind Ratigan and tried to push him over so that he would fall face first into the muck, exacting her revenge. However, seeing as she was incredibly skinny and he was incredibly burly, she couldn't quite get the amount of force needed to tip him over. After a few seconds, Ratigan moved aside and Cruella fell over with her face in the mud instead. This made several of the other villains laugh.

* * *

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Cruella: Oh, NOW he's going to get it DOUBLE!

* * *

"Ready?" Chris asked the contestants once they'd gotten into the mud. They both nodded. "OK. First one to pin their opponent for ten seconds wins. On your mark...get set...WRESTLE!"

The two villains began to grab at each other and try to knock the other down. The slippery mud made it harder to do, with both of them falling down at the same time often and getting dirtier and dirtier by the minute. Many of the other villains were rabidly screaming for their favorite's victory.

"C'mon, Ursula, choke him with your tentacles!" Gothel cheered.

"Go for the jugular, Ratti!" Hades advised his friend.

Frollo shook his head. "Barbarians."

"You're telling me," Tremaine agreed. The two elder villains smiled at each other, then began to kiss passionately, gaining the attention of the others for a few seconds.

"Woo-hoo! Go Claude!" Facilier cheered.

Hades was less enthusiastic about the sight than was the witch doctor. "Oy, I wish I could UNSEE that!"

After several minutes, the two villains were completely covered with mud and still going at each other. Finally, Ursula managed to knock Ratigan down and pin him. Chris began to count the seconds. "One...two..."

"C'mon, Ratti, get up!" Hades urged.

"...three...four...five..."

"Atta girl, Ursula!" Gothel cheered. "Keep 'im down!"

"...six...seven..."

Maleficent quivered. "Ratigan, your girlfriend commands you to get up and take Ursula down!"

That did it. Ratigan sprang up, flipped Ursula over and pinned her down. Chris began counting again. "One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...TEN!" He held up his arms. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Professor Ratigan has just won the final challenge of Disney Villain Island!"

Ratigan fell back a little when he heard what Chris had just said. "I've won?" he asked in disbelief. Then, a large grin slowly spread over his face. "I'VE WON!" He laughed triumphantly. Maleficent ran over to the rodent victor and leapt into his muddy arms, smearing her cloak with the stuff. She kissed him square on the lips. "I knew you'd do it," she told him.

The other villains surrounded Ratigan to offer their congratulations. "Way to go, Ratti!" Hades hollered, patting his best friend on the back. "Never had a doubt that you'd win it all, big guy."

Ratigan smiled, still cradling Maleficent in his arms. "Thank you, Hades. I appreciate that."

Ursula sighed as Gothel helped her up out of the mud. "Sorry, Ursy."

"Don't worry about it, darling," Ursula replied. "I came in second out of fourteen. That's not bad." She went up to Ratigan. "Congratulations, angelfish. You earned it." She held out a hand, which the professor took in his and shook. "Thank you, Ursula, you were quite the worthy opponent."

* * *

Later that night, the fourteen villains gathered back at the Losers' Circle for one last bonfire ceremony. Chris stood in front of all of them. "Villains and villainesses, I give you the winner of Disney Villain Island...Professor Ratigan!" The rat stood before them all, grinning triumphantly as they all applauded him. "And to signify your ultimate victory, I, Christian Maurice McLean, hereby dub thee the Ultimate Disney Villain!" He used a tree branch to tap the rat's shoulder's, imitating a king knighting a nobleman. "Anyone else have anything they want to add?"

"I do," Cruella responded. She casually went up to Ratigan, then whipped a cheesecake out of her pocket and smashed it into his face. "HA! Revenge at last!" She laughed maniacally, causing the other villains to eye her oddly.

"REALLY? Your big revenge plan was just to shove a cheesecake in his face?" Hades asked.

"PATHETIC," Ursula responded.

"You can say THAT again," Scar concurred.

"OK, go sit down now, weirdo lady," Chris told the fashionista, who was still giddy over finally getting her vengeance, despite however lame the others thought it was. "You OK, Ratigan?"

"Just fine, more annoyed than anything else," Ratigan answered. He wiped some of the cheesecake off of his face and licked it off of his hand. "Mmm, delicious."

"OK, before we finish up for the season..." Chris whistled, and Chef wheeled out a large cart with the villains' magical artifacts on top. "...go ahead and take them back. And as for Hades..." He whistled again, and an Asian girl wearing a tacky black wig came up. "Heather, be a dear and remove Mr. Hades' collar, will you?" Heather rolled her eyes and obeyed.

Once the villains had received their artifacts again, Maleficent turned to the others. "Now that I have my powers back, I have two things I must do. First..." She lifted her staff into the air, the orb on top glowing. Ratigan was soon surrounded by sickly green light. The others gasped as he transformed from a rat into a handsome man. The fairy smiled. "Now no one can call our relationship creepy." She embraced the newly-human professor and the two shared a passionate kiss.

The villainesses all howled. "He's so DREAMY," Gothel cooed.

"He's taken my heart...ALL of them!" the Queen of Hearts swooned.

"No one is handsomer than Gaston!" Gaston replied enviously. He looked again at Ratigan. "But he DOES come close!"

Once Maleficent and Ratigan had stopped making out, she turned to her fellow villains. "And now...WE GET MCLEAN!" The villains all cheered in agreement. However, when they turned to face the host, he was gone.

"WHERE IS HE?!" Hades demanded, his normally blue flame turning orange. He accidentally burned Heather in his heated fury, who was still standing right next to him, holding the collar. Immediately he cooled down. "Whoops. Sorry about that, bubeleh."

"I'm OK," a now charred Heather responded weakly. She fell over.

"There he goes!" Jafar noticed Chris and Chef running off into the distance.

"LET'S GET 'IM!" Facilier shouted. The villains all charged off like an angry mob, trying to reach Chris so they could pummel him into the ground for all the crap he'd put them through. All the while, the Queen of Hearts kept repeating "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

* * *

"And so we end the season with me running for my life," Chris panted as he sprinted. "This was a lot easier when I was just dealing with angry teenagers instead of super-powerful villains! Will I ever get out of this alive?" He looked back at the angry mob of villains. "Chances are no, but we'll see next season! For probably the last time, this is Chris McLean, signing off from DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"

* * *

**Woo-hoo, Ratigan won! Now, before y'all accuse me of just going with my own fangirlisms, I want to assure you that I DID obey the survey results that you guys voted...problem was, the poll ended in a tie! So as the author, I made the final vote...and big shocker I went with Ratti. ;)**

**OK, few things:**

***1. Chris' full name being Christian is a shout-out to his VA, Christian Potenza. As to his middle name being Maurice...it was just the first funny name I could think of, LOL!**

***2. Yes, the FrolloxTremaine pairing was completely random and most likely unnecessary...what can I say, I'm a weirdo.**

***3. Ratigan's response to learning he won was heavily inspired by the climax of The Great Mouse Detective, specifically the part where he thinks he's thrown Basil off of Big Ben and beaten him for good...only MUCH less Nightmare Fuel-ish. **

***4. I know I said early on that Chris was not allowed to get within fifty feet of the former contestants...but for Heather the uber-bitch, I think I can make an exception! Especially seeing as she got burned by Hades. (evil laughter)**

**Thank you all for reading my crazy fanfic. Hope to see you again for more stories of random fangirl-ness!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


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